141 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
141 lines
5.8 KiB
Plaintext
Warning: The fortunes contained in the fortune database have
|
|
been collected haphazardly from a caphony of sources,
|
|
in number so huge it boggles the mind. It is
|
|
impossible to do any meaningful quality control on
|
|
attributions, or lack thereof, or exactness of the
|
|
quote. Since this database is not used for profit, and
|
|
since entire works are not published, it falls under
|
|
fair use, as we understand it. However, if any
|
|
half-assed idiot decides to make a profit off of this,
|
|
they will need to double check it all, and nobody not
|
|
involved of such an effort makes any warranty that
|
|
anything in here bears any relation to the real world
|
|
of literature, law, or other bizzarrity.
|
|
|
|
[All examples are indented by one tab stop -- KCRCA]
|
|
|
|
Numbers should be given in parentheses, e.g.,
|
|
|
|
(1) Everything depends.
|
|
(2) Nothing is always.
|
|
(3) Everything is sometimes.
|
|
|
|
Attributions are two tab stops, followed by two hyphens, followed by a
|
|
space, followed by the attribution, and are *not* preceded by blank
|
|
lines. Book, journal, movie, and all other titles are in quotes, .e.g,
|
|
|
|
$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
|
|
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
|
|
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
|
|
|
|
Attributions which do not fit on one (72 char) line should be continued
|
|
on a line which lines up below the first text of the attribution, e.g.,
|
|
|
|
-- A very long attribution which might not fit on one
|
|
line, "Ken Arnold's Stupid Sayings"
|
|
|
|
Single paragraph fortunes are in left justified (non-indented)
|
|
paragraphs unless they fall into another category listed below (see
|
|
examle above). Longer fortunes should also be in left justified
|
|
paragraphs, but if this makes it too long, try indented paragraphs,
|
|
with indentations of either one tab stop or 5 chars. Indentations of
|
|
less than 5 are too hard to read.
|
|
|
|
Laws have the title left justified and capitalized, followed by a
|
|
colon, with all the text of the law itself indented one tab stop,
|
|
initially capitalized, e.g.,
|
|
|
|
A Law of Computer Programming:
|
|
Make it possible for programmers to write in English and you
|
|
will find the programmers cannot write in English.
|
|
|
|
Limericks are indented as follows, all lines capitalized:
|
|
|
|
A computer, to print out a fact,
|
|
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
|
|
But this output can be
|
|
No more than debris,
|
|
If the input was short of exact.
|
|
|
|
Accents precede the letter they are over, e.g., "`^He" for e with a
|
|
grave accent. Underlining is done on a word-by-word basis, with the
|
|
underlines preceding the word, e.g., "__^H^Hhi ____^H^H^H^Hthere".
|
|
|
|
No fortune should run beyond 72 characters on a single line without
|
|
good justification (er, no pun intended). And no right margin
|
|
justification, either. Sorry.
|
|
|
|
Definitions are given with the word or phrase left justified, followed
|
|
by the part of speech (if appropriate) and a colon. The definition
|
|
starts indented by one tab stop, with subsequent lines left justified,
|
|
e.g.,
|
|
|
|
Afternoon, n.:
|
|
That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
|
|
morning.
|
|
|
|
Quotes are sometimes put around statements which are funnier or make
|
|
more sense if they are understood as being spoken, rather than written,
|
|
communication, e.g,
|
|
|
|
"All my friends and I are crazy. That's the only thing that keeps us
|
|
sane."
|
|
|
|
Elipses are always surrounded by spaces, except when next to
|
|
puncuation, and are three dots, unless there is a good reason not to.
|
|
(In fact, all these rules can be broken if they make a good joke.)
|
|
|
|
"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
|
|
-- Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Human initials always have spaces after the periods, e.g, "P. T.
|
|
Barnum", not "P.T. Barnum". However, "P.T.A.", not "P. T. A.".
|
|
|
|
All fortunes should be attributed, but if and only if they are original
|
|
with somebody. Many people have said things that are folk sayings
|
|
(i.e., are common among the folk (i.e., us common slobs)). There is
|
|
nothing wrong with this, of course, but such statements should not be
|
|
attributed to individuals who did not invent them.
|
|
|
|
Horoscopes should have the sign indented by one tab stop, followed by
|
|
the dates of the sign, with the text left justified below it, e.g.,
|
|
|
|
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
|
|
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie
|
|
a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and
|
|
impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over
|
|
again. People think you are stupid.
|
|
|
|
Single quotes should not be used except as quotes within quotes. Not
|
|
even single quotes masquerading as double quotes are to be used, e.g.,
|
|
don't say ``hi there'' or `hi there' or 'hi there', but "hi there".
|
|
However, you *can* say "I said, `hi there'".
|
|
|
|
A long poem or song can be ordered as follows in order to make it
|
|
fit on a screen (fortunes should be 19 lines or less if at all
|
|
possible):
|
|
|
|
11111111111111111111
|
|
11111111111111111111
|
|
11111111111111111111 22222222222222222222
|
|
11111111111111111111 22222222222222222222
|
|
22222222222222222222
|
|
33333333333333333333 22222222222222222222
|
|
33333333333333333333
|
|
33333333333333333333 44444444444444444444
|
|
33333333333333333333 44444444444444444444
|
|
44444444444444444444
|
|
44444444444444444444
|
|
|
|
Fortunes are split into potentially offensive and not potentially
|
|
offensive, into the files "obscene" and "scene", respectively.
|
|
Anything which would not make it onto network prime time programming
|
|
should *not* go into "scene". Also, anything which would only get on
|
|
if some discredited kind of guy said it should *not* go in scene.
|
|
Fortunes containing "shit", "fuck", "cock" (not the male version of a
|
|
chicken, obviously, but "penis"), "cunt", "pussy", and such like are
|
|
*obscene*. Political opinions are supposed to be in "obscene", too.
|
|
Antyhing which is blatantly racist, mysoginist, or homophobic, should
|
|
not be in either, since they are not really funny unless *you* are
|
|
racist, mysoginist, or homophobic.
|