diff --git a/doc/humor/alices.pdp10 b/doc/humor/alices.pdp10 new file mode 100755 index 00000000..94f82b47 --- /dev/null +++ b/doc/humor/alices.pdp10 @@ -0,0 +1,258 @@ +;;; With thanks (and apologies) to Chris Stacy, Alan Wechsler, Noel +;;; Chiappa, Larry Allen, and of course Arlo Guthrie, and particularly +;;; to Ann Marie Finn who is a kind soul and not at all like the +;;; person portrayed herein. --sra 3 May 85 + +This song is called "Alice's PDP-10". But Alice doesn't own a PDP-10, +in fact Alice isn't even in the song. It's just the name of the song. +That's why I called this song "Alice's PDP-10". + +You see, it all started about two incompatible monitor versions ago, +about two months ago on a Tuesday, when my friend and I SUPDUP'd over +to MIT-OZ to pick up some hackers to go out for a Chinese dinner. But +AI hackers don't live on MIT-OZ, they live on various assorted lispms +and such, and seeing as and how they never log in except via the file +server, they hadn't gotten around to doing filesystem garbage +collection for a long time. + +We got over there, saw 600 pages free, 10000 pages in use on a 5 pack +PS:, and decided it would be a friendly gesture to run CHECKD for them +and try to reclaim some of that lost space. So we reloaded the system +with the floppies and the switch registers and other implements of +destruction, and answered "Y" to RUN CHECKD? + +But when we got the system up and tried to release all the lost pages +there was a loud beeping and a big message flashed up on our screen +saying: + PERMISSION DENIED BY ACJ + +Well, we'd never heard of a version of ACJ that would let you go into +MDDT from ANONYMOUS but not run CHECKD, and so, with tears in our +eyes, we headed off over the Chaosnet looking for a filesystem with +enough free pages to write out the LOST-PAGES.BIN file. Didn't find +one... + +Until we got to XX-11, and at the other end of XX-11 was another MIT +Twenex, and in PS: on that MIT Twenex was another +LOST-PAGES.BIN file. And we decided that one big LOST-PAGES.BIN file +was better than two little LOST-PAGES.BIN file, and rather than page +that one in we thought we'd write ours out. So that's what we did. + +Went back to OZ, found some hackers and went out for a Chinese dinner +that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning when +we got a SEND from Ann Marie Finn. She said, "Kid, we found you +initials in SIXBIT in the right half of a POPJ at the end of a two +megaword core dump full of garbage, just wanted to know if you had any +information about it". And I said, "Yes ma'am Ann Marie, I cannot tell +a lie, I put that XUNAME into that halfword". + +After talking back and forth with Ann for about 45 messages we arrived +at the truth of the matter and Ann said that we had to go rebuild the +bittable and we also had to come down and talk to her in room +NE43-501. Now friends, there was only one of two things that Ann +could of done with us down at room 501, and the first one was that she +could have hired us on the spot for actually knowing enough about +Twenex to screw it up that badly, which wasn't very likely and we +didn't expect it, and the other was that she could have bawled us out +and told us never to be seen hacking filesystems again, which was what +we expected. But when we got to room 501 we discovered that there was +a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both +immediately de-wheeled. CD%DIR'ed. And I said "Ann, I don't think I +can rebuild the bittable with this here FILES-ONLY bit set." And she +said "XOFF, kid, get into this UDP packet" and that's what we did and +rode up to the square bracket asciz slash scene of the crime slash +close square bracket. + +Now friends, I want to tell you about the ninth floor of building NE43 +where this happened. They got three KL10s, 24 LISPMs, and about 32 +VAXen running 4.2 unix. But when we got to the square bracket asciz +slash scene of the crime slash close square bracket there was five +twenex hackers past and present, this being the biggest lossage yet by +an RMS clone and everybody wanted to get in their suggestion for a new +system daemon that would have kept it from ever having happened in the +first place. And they was using up all kinds of debugging equipment +that they had lying around on V3A SWSKIT tapes. They were doing DSs, +MONRDs, and RSTRSHs, and they made 27000 pages of core dumps and photo +files on an RP06 with comments and -READ-.-THIS- files to be used as +evidence against us. + +After the ordeal, Ann took us back downstairs and left us with the CLU +hackers. She said "Kid, I'm gonna leave you with the CLU hackers. I +want your jsys manual and your ROLM DTI". I said "Ann, I can +understand your wanting my jsys manual so I won't remind the CLU +hackers of grody things like operating systems, but what do you want +my DTI for?" and she said "Kid, we don't want any VTS errors". I said +"Ann, did you think I was going to try to crash the system for +littering?" Ann said that she was making sure, and friends, Ann was, +'cause she cleared all my left-hand privs bits so I couldn't logout. +And she disabled the TREPLACE command so I couldn't crock in an +XCT [0] instruction, cause an illegal instruction interrupt to MEXEC, +and sneak into MDDT. Yeah, Ann was making sure, and it was about four +or five hours later that Chiappa (remember Chiappa? This song's never +even mentioned Chiappa) Chiappa came by and with a few gratuitous +insults to the CLU hackers bailed us out of there, and we went out and +had another Chinese dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up +until the next morning when we all had to go to LCS Computational +Resources staff meeting. + +We walked in, sat down. Ann came in with the RP06 disk pack with the +27000 pages with the comments and the -READ-.-THIS- files and a two +liter coffee mug, sat down. Esther Felix comes in says "All rise", we +stood up, Ann stood up with the 27000 page RP06 pack, and Dave Clark +comes in with an IBM PC. He sits down, we sit down, Ann looks at the +IBM PC. Then at the 27000 page RP06 pack, then at the IBM PC, then at +the 27000 page RP06 pack, and began to cry, because Ann had come to +the realization that it was a typical case of 36%8==4 and that there +was no way to display those last four bits, and that Dave wasn't gonna +look at the 27000 pages of core dumps and photo files on the RP06 pack +with the comments and -READ-.-THIS- files explaining what each one was +to be used as evidence against us. + +And we were permanently assigned to the batch dregs queue and had to +rebuild the bittable (in the batch dregs queue). But that's not what +I came here to talk about. I came here to talk about DEC. + +====================================================================== + +They got a building up there in Marlboro where you walk in and get +averted, diverted, inverted, reverted, and perverted. I went up there +one day to pick up a new copy of the tools tape. Drove down to Philly +for a Greatful Dead concert the night before, so I looked and felt my +best when I went in that morning. 'Cause I wanted to look like a real +live twenex hacker from MIT. I wanted to feel like, I wanted to be a +real live twenex hacker from MIT. I walked in and I was hung down, +brung down, hung up, and spaced out. The receptionist hands be a +piece of paper saying "Kid, the EDIT-20 maintainers are polling user +opinions today and would like you to stop by room 604 while you're +here." + +I walked in there and I said "Droids, I want to lose. I mean, I want +to lose. I want to see line editors on CRTs and nulls in my files. +Write 36 bit ascii that can't be read except with the monitor +filtering it. I mean LOSE, LOSE, LOSE!" And I started jumping up and +down yelling "LOSE, LOSE", and Kevin Paetzold came in wearing his +moose ear hat and started jumping up and down with me yelling "LOSE, +LOSE", and a DEC sales rep came over, put an arm around my shoulder, +and said "How'd you like me to show you a *real* editor that has +macros and things like that? We have one, it's called TV...." + +Didn't feel too good about it. + +Proceeded on down the hall getting more diversions and perversions. +Man, I was in there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was in +there for a long time, and they was doing all kinds of mean nasty ugly +things, and I was just having a tough time there. They was diverting +and inverting every single part of me and they was leaving no bit +untouched. + +Finally I got to the very last office (I'd been in all the rest), the +very last desk, after that whole big thing there, and I walk over and +say "what do you want?" and the man says "Kid, we only got one +question: have you ever been dewheeled?" + +So I proceeded to tell him the story of the 10600 page five pack PS: +with full orchestration and five part harmony and other phenomena and +he stopped me right there and said "Kid, did you ever get hauled on +the carpet for it?" + +So I proceeded to tell him about the 27000 page RP06 pack with the +comments and the -READ-.-THIS- files and he stopped me right there and +said "Kid, I want you to go sit over there on that bench marked Large +Systems SIG. NOW, KID!" + +I, I walked over to the bench there... See, the LCG group is where +they put you if they think you may not be compatible with the rest of +DEC's product line. + +There was all kinds of mean nasty ugly people there on the bench... +Chaosnet designers... Lisp hackers... TECO hackers. TECO hackers +right there on the bench with me! And the meanest one of them, the +hairiest TECO hacker of them all was coming over to me. And he was +mean and nasty and horrible and undocumented and all kinds of stuff. +And he sat down next to me and said: + +[1:i*u14[8 +.-z(1702117120m81869946983m8w660873337m8w1466458484m8 +)+z,.ffx*[0:ft0w + +And I said "I didn't get nothing, I had to rebuild the bittable in +queue six" and he said: + +[1:i*u166c[6 +.(675041640067.m6w416300715765.m6w004445675045.m6 +455445440046.m6w576200535144.m6w370000000000.m6),.fx*[0:ft0w + +And I said "Littering". And they all moved away from me on the bench +there, with the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty ugly stuff +until I said "and making undocumented gratuitous changes to the +default EMACS key bindings". And they all came back, shook my hand, +and we had a great time on the bench talking about Chaosnet hacking +and Lisp interpreters written in TECO, and everything was fine. And +we were eating Peking ravs and smoking all kinds of things until the +guy from DDC came over, had some paper in his hand, said: + +KIDS-THIS-SPR-FORM-HAS-FIFTY-EIGHT-LINES-THIRTY-SEVEN-BOXES-AN'- +SIXTY-EIGHT-QUESTIONS-WE-WANT-TO-KNOW-THE-DETAILS-OF-THE-BUG-THE- +LOAD-FACTOR-WHEN-IT-HAPPENED-AND-ANY-OTHER-KIND-OF-THING-YOU-GOT- +TO-SAY-WE-WANT-TO-KNOW-THE-F-S-GUY'S-NAME-AND-HOW-MANY-TRACKS-ON- +YOUR-TAPE-DRIVE-AND-ANY-OTHER-KIND-OF-THING-YOU-GOT-TO-SAY- + +and he talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word +that he said or why we were doing this but we had fun filling out the +forms in triplicate and speculating on why we were filling out SPRs on +unsupported products. + +I filled out the special form with the four-level macro defining +macros. Typed it in there just like it was and everything was fine. +And I put down my keyboard, and I switched buffers, and there ... in +the other buffer... centered in the other buffer... away from +everything else in the buffer... in parentheses, capital letters, in +reverse video, read the following words: + +"Kid, have you taken the ``VMS for TOPS-20 managers'' course yet?" + +I walked over to the man and I said "Mister, you got a lot of damned +gall asking me if I've taken the ``VMS for TOPS-20 managers'' course +yet. I mean... I mean... I mean, I'm sitting here on the bench, I'm +sitting here on the LCG SIG bench, 'cause you want to know if I'm +braindamaged enough trade my PDP-10 for partial credit on a system +that doesn't even handle filename completion after being a litterbug." + +He looked at me and said "Kid, the front office don't like your kind, +so we're going to put you on our VAX/VMS mailing list." And friends, +somewhere down in the NE43 receiving room is a large trash barrel with +a big sign on it that says "VAX/VMS documents". + +And the only reason I'm singing you the song now is that someday +you may know somebody in a similar situation... or you may be in a +similar situation. And if you're in a situation like that there's +only one thing you can do, and that's call up the Digital Educational +Services office nearest you and sing "You can hack anything you want +with TECO and DDT" and hang up. + +You know, if one person, just one person, does it, they may think he's +really dangerous and they won't take his machine. + +And if two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both ITS +hackers and they won't touch either of them. + +And if three people do it! Can you imagine three people calling up, +singin' a bar of "Alice's PDP-10" and hanging up? They may think it's +an re-implementation of the Chaosnet protocol. + +And can you imagine fifty people a day? I said FIFTY people a day, +calling up, singin' a bar of "Alice's PDP-10" and hanging up? +Friends, they may think it's a MOVEMENT, and that's what it is: THE +36-BIT ANTI-LOSSAGE MOVEMENT! And all you gotta do to join is to sing +it the next time it comes up to the head of the GOLST. + +With feelin'. + + +You can hack anything you want, with TECO and DDT. +You can hack anything you want, with just TECO and DDT. +$U in and begin to hack. +Twiddle bits in a core dump and write it back. +You can hack anything you want, with TECO and DDT. +(But be careful typing ) +Just with TECO and DDT!