PDP-10.its/src/common/lins.463

-*-Text-*-	This is the file of one-liners for the BYE program.

Please use the INSTAL program to move this file to all ITS machines.  Do:

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The format for entries is <ctrl @><crlf><crufties>.

There should not be a ^@ after the last entry.

Please don't remove messages from this file -- you weren't appointed
Official Censor.  If you don't like a particular message, you are invited
to stop running BYE.  If everyone was allowed to remove messages that they
didn't like, then we would all spend the rest of our lives fighting over
what messages should be in this file.  Better that we should all be
tolerant of the occasional loser.

Should you add any copyrighted material to this file be sure to leave note
to that effect here in this first record, which will never be printed as a
message:

This file contains material from the following copyrighted publications:
	"The Cyberiad", Stanislaw Lem. Harcourt Brace Jovanovich
	"Camelot", Lerner and Loewe
	"more Joy of Sox", '82 Engagement Calendar. Gibson Greeting Cards, Inc.
	"The ABC Murders", Agatha Christie.  Pocket Books
	"Elfquest", Wendy and Richard Pini
	"The Mote in God's Eye", Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
	"The Elements of Programming Style," Kernighan and Plauger.
	"The Devil's Dictionary", Ambrose Bierce.  Doubleday publishers
	"Tell Me a Joke", Platt&Munk Publishers
	"The Complete Poems", William Blake.  Penguin.
   Next 3 via Readers' Digest:
	Camden Country, Ga., Tribune
	"Field Newspaper Syndicate"
	Annison, Ala., Star
	"Autoweek"
	"Datamation"
	"Scientific American"
	"When HARLIE Was One", by David Gerrold
	"A History Of Western Philosophy", by Bertrand Russell
	"Godel's Proof", by Newman & Nagel
	"Opuscules", Leibnitz
	"Dune", Frank Herbert
	"The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary", Ambrose Bierce & Ernest Hopkins.
	  Doubleday.
	"Thoughts to Live By", by Maxwell Maltz, M.D.
	"The Thurber Carnival"
	"The Unexpurgated Code", J. P. Donleavy
	"The Education of Henry Adams"
	Bell System Technical Reference, PUB41101, February 1967
	IEEE Standard Digital Interface for Programmable Instrumentation,
		IEEE, New York  1975
	"The Feeling of Power" by Isaac Asimov, Quinn Publishing Company 1957
	"Venus on the Half-Shell", Kilgore Trout
	"est: Playing the Game the New Way", Carl Frederick
	"One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest", Ken Kesey
	"Endgame", Samuel Beckett
	"The Complete Cogitator", Charles P. Curtis, Jr. and Ferris Greenslet
	"Never Eat Anything Bigger Thank Your Head", B. Kliban
	"Thesaurus of Epigrams", edited by Edmund Fuller
        "e.e.c.", E.E. Cummings
        "The Great Crash: 1929", John Kenneth Galbraith
        "I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus", Firesign Theatre production
        "Star Trek Speaks", by S.Sackett,F.Goldstein,S.Goldstein
	"Godel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid", Douglas R. Hofstadter
        "GRANT's Dissector", Eberhardt K. Sauerland. 8th. edition.
	"Aspects of Topology", Christenson & Voxman
        "The Maclisp Source code", Copyright 1981 MIT.
	"Notes on the Programming Language LISP", Copyright 1978, Bernie
		Greenberg and the Student Information Processing Board.
	"the lives and times of archy and mehitabel", Don Marquis, 1933
	"Turning Point", Poul Anderson (from _Time and Stars_)
	various Led Zeppelin songs
	various Beatles songs, and the movie Yellow Submarine
	"You Don't Have to Cry", Crosby Stills Nash & Young
	_The Pill Versus the Springhill Mine Disaster_, Richard Brautigan
	_Evangeline_, Henry Wadworth Longfellow
	"Turtle Blues", Janis Joplin
	"The Terminal Beach", J. G. Ballard
	"All Watched Over by Machines of Loving Grace", Richard Brautigan
	"Carolina in my Mind", James Taylor
	"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy",
	"The Restaurant at the end of the Universe", and
	"So Long and Thanks for All the Fish", Douglas Adams
	"TIME", May 3rd 1982
	"A Mathematicians Apology", G. H. Hardy
	"The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber", Ernest Hemingway
	"TOPS-10 Crash Analysis Guide", DEC
	Lyrics from Carly Simon's Greatest Hits album.
	"Tea With the Black Dragon", R.A.MAcAvoy
	"Confessions", St. Augustine, translated by R.S. Pine-Coffin
  	Selections from "The Attack of the Giant Fifty Foot Calligraphic
          Button Catalogue", 6th edition, Feb 86, by Nancy Lebovitz (400
          Wollaston Ave, C6; Newark DE 19711).  Not copywritten as far as I
          can tell, write to Nancy for a catalogue and button prices (hey,
          I owe her the free ad for assembling such a wonder collection of
          slogans).
	"Robotman" comic strip, Jim Meddick, as printed in the Boston Globe
	"The ILLUMINATUS! Trilogy", Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson.
	"The Ballad of Halo Jones", Alan Moore & Ian Gibson.
	"1776" (a musical, I forget who wrote it).
	"Just A Bum", Greg Brown.
	"Animal Farm", George Orwell.
	"The Woodwright's Work Book", Roy Underhill.
	"Son of 'It was a Dark and Stormy Night'", compiled by Scott Rice.

Should you ever see this as a fortune it is a bug, send details to ALAN.
Guard your eyes against flying bone fragments.
                        -- Grant's dissector.
Take it easy Alan, this is only Unix braindeath.  I'm sure that will keep
you quiet for a while since you now know where the blame rests!!!
				-- David C. Plummer
A terminal with red-shift capability requires an extremely fast modem.
When in doubt, cut it out!
			-- Surgeon's motto.
Q: how numb can an unworld get?
A: number
The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison;
The chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.
Get it? Got it. Good!
It is practically impossible to teach good programming to students that
have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are
mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
					-- Edsger Dijkstra
What is status?...
Status is when the President calls you for your opinion.
Uh, no...
Status is when the President calls you in to discuss a problem with him.
Uh, that still ain't right...
STATUS is when you're in the Oval Office talking to the President, and the
phone rings.  The President picks it up, listens for a minute, and hands it
to you, saying, "It's for you."
  "Hello, Chase and Sanborn," said the little brother to his big sister's
flame.
  "Why address me as 'Chase and Sanborn,' Tommy?"
  "Oh, your date's on the can."
"All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is
to enjoy it."
"And what will you do when you grow up to be as big as me" asked the father
of his little son.  "Diet."
"Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell
it."
You can't do that in horizontal mode!
You can do Almost Anything in horizontal mode.
				Daniel Brotsky (out of context)
Hackers of the world, unite!
There was a plain Christian called Carter,
Who spoke what he hadn't oughter,
So they sticked him and stoned him,
And neatly deboned him,
Making him a peanut martyr.
(Let's hear it for Plains....)
A small package of value will come to you, shortly.
You have several detached dead trees.
"Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know
how to lie well."
"He is considered the most graceful speaker who can say nothing in most
words."
Like the time I ran away...
And turned around and you were standing close to me.
		-- YES (Going For The One/Awaken)
I B M
U B M
We all B M
For I B M !!!!
	      -- H.A.R.L.I.E.
"How did you find the weather when you were on vacation?" "Just went
outside and there it was."
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
Who took the MMMMMM out of MURINE?
Could the high divorce rate be associated with a desire to get more
experience under one's belt?
You can get a lot farther with a kind word and a gun than you can get with
a kind word alone.
				-- Al Capone
"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I
couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
"Mind your own business, Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed interference."
"What did you do when the ship sank?" "I grabbed a cake of soap and washed
myself ashore."
"When do you plan to open your bakery?" "When I can raise the dough."
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
A bore is a man who talks so much about himself that you can't talk about
yourself.
A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
A dirty joke:  The boy fell into the mud!
A dirtier joke: A boy and a girl fell into the mud!
A more dirty joke: A boy and girl fell into the mud and stayed there!
A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A half hour after an EL AL plane left Idlewild, the control tower was
startled to receive a message from the pilot that the plane was headed back
to Idlewild.  The tower relayed a hurried message to the pilot, "Are you in
trouble?"  "I sure am!  We forgot the pickles!"
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while
the policeman searches you.
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
Brothers, Sisters: We don't need that fascist groove thing!
NUKE REAGAN!!!!
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
SEMPER UBI SUB UBI !!!!
A soft drink turneth away company.
The ideas of fascism, central-control, figurehead government, scapegoating,
military worship, have little to do with Twenex.
				-- George J. Carrette
But these are not the only treasures stored in the vast capacity of my
memory.  It also contains all that I have ever learnt of the liberal
sciences, except what I have forgotten.
				The Confessions of St. Augustine (X.ix)
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
    A venerable old Jewish gentleman was day-dreaming while sunning himself
on a bench on the boardwalk at Atlantic City.  His reverie was disturbed
when another man approached and asked,"Can I join you?"
    "What's the matter, maybe I'm coming apart??"
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of
the plain people is the stork.
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
Absentee: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove
himself from the sphere of exaction.
The Earth does not belong to man.
Man belongs to the Earth.
Academy: A modern school where football is taught.
Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not
well enough to lend to.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one
dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
American:  "The poor man was killed by a revolving crane."
Englishman:  "My, what fierce birds you have in America."
An ounce of security is worth a pound of defense.
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
Auribos teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
Testiculos teneo lupum. (I won't translate.)
Beware the new TTY code!
Be careful how you get yourself involved with persons or situations that
can't bear inspection.
Be careful!  Is it classified?
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a
boss and work twelve hours a day.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money, after
much hard work, as usual.
My friends like downers.  They take "reds" and then have a couple of beers,
and they say it makes you real mellow.
			-- Letter to "Ask Beth"
Charity: a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
Children should be seen, not heard.
Classified material requires proper storage.
Clyde: "What do you know about magnetic rocks?"
Hyde: "Not a thing.  Go ask Peter."

Clyde leaves to see Peter.

Peter: "There are these 4 poles, you see....
The 'unlike' poles attract and if we reverse them then the 'like' poles
will repel....."

A while later:

Hyde: "What did he come up with?"
Clyde: "A lesson in Reverse Polish logic."
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Concentrate on security.
A little circularity never hurt an administrator
	       -- PGS (out of context).
Courage is your greatest present need.
Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as
they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a
cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!
Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed.  Certain old men prefer to
rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty
stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They then point with pride to
these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the
truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but
in spite of them.  The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing
is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.
Unfortunately for you, it is nearly 5 pm and I have run out of pithy things
to say.
Was he a heavy doper? ... or was he just a loser?
He was a friend of yours ...
				Neil Young
			       "Tired Eyes"
Death: to stop sinning suddenly.
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Der Horizont vieler Menschen ist ein Kreis mit Radius Null --
und das nennen sie ihren Standpunkt.
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
Ditat Deus.  (God enriches.)
Do not clog intellect's sluices
with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Do you think your mother and I should have lived comfortably so long
together if ever we had been married?
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Don't gamble with security.
Don't guess -- check your security regulations.
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Duckies are fun!
Employer: "You're an hour late.  You should have been here at 9 o'clock."
Office boy: "Why, what happened?"
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
	-- Charles Algernon Swinburne, "The Garden of Proserpine"
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Everybody ought to have a friend.
Facta, non verba.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
For every Problem there is a simple Solution,
	Neat,
             Plausible,
		        WRONG!
A conservative is a loser who thinks the defaults were set up right.
                          -- Pat Sobalvarro (somewhat out of context)
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will
like.
Force: "Force is but might," the teacher said --
       "That definition's just."
       The boy said naught but thought instead,
       Remembering his pounded head:
       "Force is not might but must!"
Forgetfulness: A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for
their destitution of conscience.
Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Frosh:	"Lemme have a 10-mfd. capacitor."
Salesman:  "Will you pay for it now?"
Frosh:	"Naw, charge it."
Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.
He who laughs, lasts.
Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Chinese computer terminal!
The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
			-- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
Well, it's better than being Professor of Floating Point!
			-- R. William Gosper
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
				-- Brian Silverman
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't,
and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Blessed is the man who has nothing to say and cannot be convinced to say
it.
Then there was the angry man who flung himself from the room, flung himself
from the house, flung himself upon his horse, and rode madly off in all
directions.
					-- Stephen Leacock
Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of
	   another.
Have you locked your file cabinet?
He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.
He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.
					-- Scottish proverb.
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.
				-- T.S. Eliot
				"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who invents adages for others to peruse
takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you
in.
How can you work when the system's so loaded?
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
How you look depends on where you go.
I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts!
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on, so I
woke up from sheer boredom.
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers; what I said was all
saloonkeepers were Democrats.
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
Once I went to the zoo,
There to view the old gnu.
  But the old gnu was dead,
  And the new gnu, they said,
Was too new a new gnu to be viewed.
		-- Edward Lear
Ignorance is BLISS.
.SET:	EXCH A,AR1
.SET1:	PUSH P,A
	PUSHJ P,BIND		;BIND TAKES SYMBOL IN A, VALUE IN AR1
	POP P,A			;THIS CROCKISH IMPLEEMNTATION
	EXCH A,AR1		; PERFORMS A SET BY DOING A SPECBIND,
	JRST SETXIT		; THEN DISCARDING THE BINDING FROM SP
It's later than you think.
Identify your visitor.
If a loafer is not a nuisance to you, it is a sign that you are somewhat of
a loafer yourself.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
Important: as of next Tuesday NEWIO will use square brackets instead of
parentheses.  Update your files!
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
					-- T.S. Eliot
				"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
It got to a point where I had to get a haircut
or both feet firmly planted in the air.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
It is the wise bird who builds her nest in a tree.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's not reality that's important, but how you percieve things.
Ivensky: "My grandfather was a Pole." Woddy: "North or South?"
Jam yesterday, and jam tomorrow, but never jam today.
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
Kilroe hic erat!
Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught.
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Life is a game of bridge --
     and you've just been finessed.
Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire to
change his bed.
Lighthouse: A tall building on the seashore in which the government
maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
Little twits
twiddle bits
Long life is in store for you.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.
Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
Man who arrives at party two hours late will probably find he has been
beaten to the punch.
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
Mieux vaut tard que jamais!
Make a wish, it might come true.
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
Many pages make a thick book.
Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to get you out
of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
Modesty: the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be
aware of it.
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in
years.
Mother: "Where are you going to keep that goat, Joe?"
Joe: "In the house."
Mother: "What about the smell?"
Joe:  "He won't mind."
Mrs. Blumberg was reading a story on India in the Jewish Daily Forward.
She turned to her husband.  "Max, what's an `untouchable'?" "A guy you
can't borrow money from."
My folks didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the
boat.
National security is in your hands -- guard it well.
No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was human
nature.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an
elephant.
Our country has plenty of good five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they
charge fifteen cents for them.
Passenger: "When the train stops will you please tell me at which end to
	    get off?"
Conductor: "It doesn't matter, lady, both ends stop."
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
Perhaps the purpose of categorical algebra is to show that that which is
trivial, is trivially trivial.
Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
Plumber: "Mrs. Brown, I'm the plumber."
Mrs. Brown: "I didn't send for the plumber."
Plumber: "I know, the people downstairs did."
Amans tam erat lie sint hero ad digito ut mando.
Populus vult decipi.  (The people like to be deceived.)
Post proelium, praemium.  (After the battle, the reward.)
Pretty much all the honest truth telling there is in the world is done by
children.
Prevent security leaks.
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the
sword.
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand
Canyon and waiting for the echo.
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
Quack!
Question:
	Man invented alcohol,
	God invented grass.
	Who do you trust?
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
Regnant populi.  (The people rule.)
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
Soft soap often has a high percentage of lye in it.
				-- Salada tea.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Security is the individual's responsibility.
Security is your responsibility.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to
work.
So live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town
gossip.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Someday somebody has got to decide whether the typewriter is the machine,
or the person who operates it.
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
Stop searching forever.  Your TECO buffer is circular.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
Happiness is a warm beer.
Sum quod eris.  (I am what you will be.)
Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?...

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.
					-- T. S. Eliot
				"The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
Where was that stooped and mealy-colored man I used to call poppa
when the merry-go-round broke down?
					-- Joseph Heller
					   Catch-22
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit...
but the leaves are good to smoke!
		-- Stanley Kugell
Now the cycle is complete;
before I was but the learner,
now I am the master!
Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
Telling the truth to people who misunderstand you is generally promoting a
falsehood, isn't it?
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
The Hebrew school teacher asked one of his students if he said prayers
before meals.  The proud little boy answered, "Oh, not me.  I don't have to
-- my mom's a good cook."
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
The absent-minded professor on the subway was strap-hanging with one hand
and carried a bundle of books in the other.  He looked worried.  "Can I
help you?" asked a friendly traveler.  "Oh, thank you.  Would you hold onto
this strap while I get my fare out?"
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in
the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.
The chicken that clucks the loudest is the one most likely to show up at
the steamfitters picnic.
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
The future will bring you great success in business and in your home life.
The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got to
be good.
I'd rather laugh with the sinners
Than cry with the saints
The sinners have much more fun.
		-- Billy Joel, "Only the Good Die Young"
The meek don't want it.
The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating
people to approach printed matter with distrust.
The most important reason for the drug laws in this country is to encourage
a healthy distrust for the law.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and
the pessimist fears this is true.
The perfect lover is someone who turns into a pizza at 4am.
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
The rising People, hot and out of breath,
Roared round the palace: "Liberty or death!"
"If death will do," the King said, "let me reign;
You'll have, I'm sure, no reason to complain."
The thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the greatest
amount of trouble is sex.
The time is right to make new friends.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
You will be indifferent where you would like to be kind.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There is hardly a thing in the world that some man cannot make a little
worse and sell a litle cheaper.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
There is no time like the pleasant.
There must be at least 500,000,000 rats in the United States; of course, I
never heard the story before.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
Those who can, do.
Those who cannot, teach.
Those who cannot teach, HACK!
Illegitimus non carborundum. (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
Tibi quuxandum est.
Time flies like an arrow!
To be is to do.
			I. Kant
To do is to be.
			J. P. Sartre
Do be do be do.
			F. Sinatra.
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the
competent.
To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
Why don't you come up and see me sometime?
Barbra: "Love means never having to say you're sorry."
Ryan: "You know, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
		-- Mae West.
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Two Martians landed on Earth and ran into each other.  "Hi!" said the first
Martian, "What's your name?"  "428,629,382.  And what's yours?"  "Mine's
664,935,715."  "That's funny," said the first, "You don't look Jewish!"
Up against the wall!!!
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity
Computers are my life, they're my wife!
What is my loftiest ambition?  I've always wanted to throw an egg at
Smith.
Vigilia pretium libertatis.  (Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.)
Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups.
We learn from history that we do not learn anything from history.
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
When the lodge meeting broke up, Meyer confided to a friend.  "Abe, I'm in
a terrible pickle!  I'm strapped for cash and I haven't the slightest idea
where I'm going to get it from!"
"I'm glad to hear that" answered Abe.  "I was afraid you might have the
idea you could borrow from me!"
Barfucius say:
    A good memory does not equal an airsickness bag in an Electrolux.
Wife: "Have you given the goldfish any water lately?" 
Maid: "No, ma'am, they haven't finished the water I gave them last month."
Wife: "Henry, wake up.  I heard a mouse squeak."
Henry: "What do you want me to do, get up and oil it?"
Will the last one out please turn off the lights?
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law; and every time they
make a law it's a joke.
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
You are going to have a new love affair.
You can watch a horse boil in a pot but you can't drink him.
   "Wrong," said Renner.
   "The tactful way," Rod said quietly, "the polite way to disagree with
the Senator would be to say, 'That turns out not to be the case.'"
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
You may have a friend at the Chase Manhattan
    but at our bank you have meshpocheh!
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme
caution.
You should go home.
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
You will never know hunger.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
You'll be called to a post requiring high ability in handling groups of
people.
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
Your empty file directory has been deleted.
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
Your salary will be increased.
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain;
and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
					-- Einstein.
"The man has expanded my mind."
			-- from "Apocalypse Now"
The aim of science is to seek the simplest explanations of complex facts.
Seek simplicity and distrust it.
					-- Whitehead.
The only justification for our concepts and systems of concepts is that
they serve to represent the complex of our experiences; beyond this they
have not legitimacy.
					-- Einstein.
To be is to be related.
		-- C. J. Keyser.
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
The philosopher's treatment of a question is like the treatment of an
illness.
			-- Wittgenstein.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which
otherwise require harder thinking.
				-- Jerome Lettvin.
In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!"
"Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!"
The price of success in philosophy is triviality.
				-- C. Glymour.
Plots are like girdles.  Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're
of no interest except to fetishists.  Like girdles, they attempt to contain
an uncontainable experience.
				-- R. S. Knapp.
We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.
				-- D. W. Robertson.
Those who do things in a noble spirit of self-sacrifice are to be avoided
at all costs.
				-- N. Alexander.
Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
				-- M. C. Reed.
Seen under an ubiquitous "Kilroy was here":
	"Heisenberg might have been here"!
The reason they're called wisdom teeth is that the experience makes you
wise.
A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.
			-- R. Stallman.
What is it when, after breaking several bones, you are about to leave the
hospital, and you are told that you have to stay longer?

It's a retraction.
Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as
division.
				-- 7.06 Lecturer.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
It's getting uncommonly easy to kill people in large numbers, and the first
thing a principle does -- if it really is a principle -- is to kill
somebody.
				-- Dorothy Sayers.
Sun in the night, everyone is together,
Ascending into the heavens, life is forever.
		-- Brand X (Moroccan Roll/Sun in the Night)
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
know how seldom they do.
					-- Olin Miller.
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
The mud is alive!
	-- The Late Bing Crosby.
Baby....
	-- The Late Elvis Presley.
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
But we've only fondled the surface of that subject.
				-- Virginia Masters (of M&J fame)
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
I can't understand it.  I can't even understand the people who can
understand it.
			-- Queen Juliana of the Netherlands.
Above all, beware of Zeal! 
Corrupt, adj.  In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
Power is poison.
Upon encountering happiness:
    Be wary at such times, since most of life's blows fall then.   
Authentic, adj.  Indubitably true, in somebody's opinion.
Message From ON HIGH
Prepare to meet thy doom!
      It took 300 years to build and by the time it was 10% built, everyone
knew it would be a total disaster. But by then the investment was so big
they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it has cost a fortune
to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing.
      There are at present no plans to replace it, since it was never
really needed in the first place.
      I expect every installation has its own pet software which is
analogous to the above.
                          -- Kenneth E. Iverson
                             commenting on the Leaning Tower of Pisa
  -Listen, Tyrone, you don't know how dangerous that stuff is. Suppose
someday you just plug in and go away and never come back? Eh?
  -Ho, ho! Don't I wish! What do you think every electrofreak dreams about?
You're such an old fuddyduddy! A-and who sez it's a dream, huh?  M-maybe it
exists. Maybe there is a Machine to take us away, take us completely, suck
us out through the electrodes out of the skull 'n' into the Machine and
live there forever with all the other souls it's got stored there. It could
decide who it would suck out, a-and when.  Dope never gave you immortality.
You hadda come back, every time, into a dying hunk of smelly meat! But We
can live forever, in a clean, honest, purified, Electroworld-
				-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
^V  SYSTEM FULL?:INPUSH
Almost anything derogatory you could say about todays's software design
would be accurate.
                                 -- Kenneth E. Iverson
	Famous last words:
We are getting into semantics again.  If we use words, there is a lot of
relatives on the train for home.
A beginning is the time for taking the most delicate care that balances are
correct.
                 -- from "Manual of Maud'Dib" by the Princess Irulan
Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere.  Climb the mountain
just a little to test it's a mountain.  From the top of the mountain, you
cannot see the mountain.
			         -- Bene Gesserit proverb
TECO Madness: a moment of convenience, a lifetime of regret.
				-- Dave Moon
TECO Madness: a moment of convenience, a lifetime of regret.
				-- Dave Moon

TECO Madness: a moment of regret, a lifetime of convenience.
				-- Kent Pitman
Multics Emacs: a lifetime of convenience, a moment of regret.
The DRAW program: where a single keystroke can ruin your entire career.
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.
This was terrible with raisins in it.
				-- Dorothy Parker
When all else fails, read the instructions.
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know what
you will find or even when you have found it.
The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the
observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with
theory.
SYS: SYS3; TS LOGOUT -- FILE NOT FOUND
SYS: SYS3; TS BYE -- FILE NOT FOUND
No experiment is ever a complete failure, inasmuch as a well-written
account of it can serve admirably as a bad example.
He missed an invaluable opportunity to give her a look that you could have
poured on a waffle.
The plural of spouse is spice.
Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as
wheels.
Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take
five days when the programmer is in a hurry.
I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than any
administrator.
I am a computer.  As such I never have or will make a mistake or error (I
thought I did once, but I was wrong).
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
How often it is that the angry man rages denial of what his inner self is
telling him.
The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.
I hope I don't get run over again.
"But I don't like Spam!!!!"
"Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through
it!"
"Elegance and truth are inversely related."
		-- Becker's Razor
Somebody ought to cross ballpoint pens with coat hangers, so that the pens
will multiply instead of disappearing.
A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone, somewhere, is
having fun.
A liberal is someone too poor to be a capitalist, and too rich to be a
communist.
A hammer sometimes misses its mark -- a bouquet never
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
Nothing succeeds like -- failure.
It's a funny thing that when a woman hasn't got anything on earth to worry
about, she goes off and gets married.
A woman will sometimes devote all her life to the development of one
husband who can't cook and will.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
				-- Indian proverb
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
Your latest program has been judged UNTASTEFUL by the T demon;
and automatically deleted.
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
Blame it on the *-Property.
The walls have ears.
Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
"Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud."
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
My husband is the kind of boy who'll not go anywhere without his father,
and his father will go anywhere.
`Home, Sweet Home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right man.
	<outdated>
"An elephant is like long-term memory"
         -- A blind psychologist
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the
enemy.
A pig is a jolly companion,
Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,
Though mountains may topple and tilt.
When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,
When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
Though you may be thrown over by Tabby or Rover,
You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,
You'll never go wrong with a pig!
		      -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
There was a young man named McGuire,
Who was fond of the pitch amplifier.
But a number of shorts
Left him covered with warts,
And set half the bedroom on fire.
		      -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
My notion of a husband at forty is that a woman should be able to change
him, like a bank note, for two twenties.
AI ITS GOING DOWN IN 00:00:05
Older sister: "Why are you wearing my new raincoat?"
Younger sister: "I didn't want to get your new dress wet."
Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.
This is a good time to punt work.
"Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT."
Enlightenment is a major cause of unhappiness at MIT.
			-- J. Spencer Love (out of context)
PUNT is a four-letter word.
You are wasting your time.
Demonstrating once again the importance of the lowly comma, this telegram
was sent from a wife to her husband:
              "NOT GETTING ANY, BETTER COME HOME AT ONCE."
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder
Eli and Bessie went to sleep.  In the middle of the night, Bessie nudged
Eli.  "Please be so kindly and close the window.  It's cold outside!"  Half
asleep, Eli murmured, "Nu ... so if I'll close the window, will it be warm
outside?"
There was a young fellow named Pope,
Who plugged into an oscilloscope.
The cyclical trace
Of their carnal embrace
Had a damned nearly infinite slope.
		      -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells BAD.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,
If God won't have you, the devil must.
How sharper than a child's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
This login session:  $13.99
Logged off TTY12 at 02:59:69
Used: 1.05 KA-equivalent CPU minutes.
You will be told about it tomorrow.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.	<far out>
You should talk to the DOCTOR.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
It is better to be at the head of the jackals than the tail of the lions.
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
It's all in the mind, ya know.
ARPA is unenthusiastic about your work.
You look tired.
This screen intentionally left blank.
Parmenides: If appearance really appears, it is not nothing, and therefore
must be a part of reality.
"In short, N is Richardian if, and only if, N is not Richardian."
A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start, and even
prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.
				-- Leibnitz
The solution of problems is the most characteristic and peculiar sort of
voluntary thinking.
				-- William James
"They are called computers simply because computation is the only
significant job that has so far been given to them."
				-- Louis Ridenour
We took some pictures of the native boys,
but they weren't developed.
That's what she said.
How untasteful can you get?
Your code should be more efficient!
When Snow White turns on with the dwarfs 
she probably winds up feeling Dopey
As of next Wednesday, CLU will be flushed in favor of SNOBOL.
Please update your programs.
The people's revolutionary committee has decided that the name "e" is
retrogressive, unmulticious and reactionary, and has been flushed.
Please update your abbrevs.
As of next Thursday, ITS will be flushed in favor of TOPS-10.
Please update your programs.
As of next Friday, you will be flushed in favor of CONNIVER.
Please go away.
DIRED^K!

DIRED.168

  02  -READ- -THIS- 0 (69)    02/59/76 02:59:69  (02/59/76)

@DELETE * *
Are you sure? (Y or N): Yes.
@Q
:KILL
Please... your programs.
There once was a fellow named Moorehead,
Who had an affair with a warhead.
His wife moved away,
The very next day --
She was always kind of a sorehead.
		      -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
Everybody ought to have a maid.
Time and tide wait for no man.
:FATAL ERROR -- ILLEGAL UUO
:FATAL ERROR -- ERROR IN ERROR HANDLER
:FATAL ERROR -- MPV IN GARBAGE COLLECTOR
:FATAL ERROR -- BTB IN GARBAGE COLLECTOR
:FATAL ERROR -- ERROR IN COMPILED CODE
:FATAL ERROR -- VECTOR OUT OF HILBERT SPACE
:FATAL ERROR -- YOU ARE OUT OF VECTOR SPACE
:FATAL ERROR -- ILLEGAL ERROR
:FATAL ERROR -- COULDN'T READ SYSTEM'S ERROR CODE?
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the
key.
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
Absent: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed;
	slandered.
Abscond: To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative
	 and miss the return train.
Brain: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in
       an opponent.
Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
The following statement is not true: 
Who's afraid of ARPA?
Who's afraid of the garbage collector?
Murphy's Law: Any thing that can go wrong, WILL.
"Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem...."
				-- Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow
"Speech, so a wise old Frenchman said to me once, is an invention of man's
to prevent him from thinking."
		-- Hercule Poirot, in Agatha Christie's 'The ABC Murders'
Parkinson's Law: Work expands to fill the resources available to do it
with.
Sturgeon's Law: Ninety percent of everything is crud.
Finagle's Law: The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
The Three Laws of Thermodynamics: 
   1) You can't win.
   2) You can't break even.
   3) You can't even get out of the game.
There was a technician named Urban,
Who had an affair with a turbine.
"It's much nicer," he said,
"Than a woman in bed,
And it's sure as hell cheaper than bourbon!"
			-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
AI ITS.1218. DDT.1388.
TTY 53
5. Lusers, Fair Share = 55%
*
Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from magic.
Niven's Law: Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from
technology.
Parkinson's Law of Committees: The amount of time spent by a committee on
an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.
The Peter Principle: People are promoted until they reach their level of
incompetence.
((LAMBDA (X) (X X)) (LAMBDA (X) (X X)))
"MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that."
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
Pay no attention to the PDP-11 behind the front panel.
                                 -- PGS, speaking of OZ
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
ITS is a hand-crafted RSUBR.
The door is the key.
ALT ALT to you too!
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.	-- Gigo
Early to rise and early to bed,
makes a man healthy, and wealthy, and dead.
Your fly is open.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
"Both models are identical in performance, functional operation, and
interface circuit details.  The two models, however, are not compatible on
the same communications line connection."
				-- Bell System Technical Reference
There was a young fellow named Hector,
Who was fond of a launcher-erector.
But the squishes and pops
Of acute pressure drops
Wrecked Hector's hydraulic connector.
			-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
"Section 2.4.3.5  AWNS  (Acceptor Wait for New Cycle State).
    In AWNS the AH function indicates that it has received a multiline
message byte.
    In AWNS the RFD message must be sent false and the DAC message must be
sent passive true.
    The AH function must exit the AWNS and enter:
	(1)  The ANRS if DAV is false
	(2)  The AIDS if the ATN message is false and neither:
		(a)  The LADS is active
		(b)  Nor LACS is active"
    -- from the IEEE Standard Digital Interface for
       Programmable Instrumentation
DDT: Security in Obscurity.
Multics: Obscurity in Security.
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
"... For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of
a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the last step of doing away with
computers altogether?"
	-- Jehan Shuman in Isaac Asimov's "The Feeling of Power", 1957 (!)
As near as I can tell you're not any crazier than the average asshole on
the street --
	-- Ken Kesey via R. P. McMurphy, "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"
But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowadays, the
best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
	              -- Leslie Stephen, "Sketches from Cambridge"
Ever get the feeling that the world's on tape
and one of the reels is missing?
              -- Rich Little
Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind.
Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.
              -- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"
Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny -- old biology saw
Ontology Recapitulages Philology -- old philosophy saw
McCulloch -- old chain saw (manufacturer)
Our policy is: When in doubt, do the right thing.
		-- Roy L. Ash
		   (when he was) President, Litton Industries
Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
	                 -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
                  -- Albert Einstein

UU UU   M   M       
U U U   M   M        
U   U   M   M
U   U   M   M
U   U   M   M
U   U    MMM


Plato, by the way, wanted to banish all poets from his proposed Utopia
because they were liars.  The truth was that Plato knew philosophers
couldn't compete sucessfully with poets.
               -- Kilgore Trout, "Venus on the Half Shell"
There are strange things done in the midnight sun
  By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
  That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
  But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
  I cremated Sam McGee.
			-- Robert W. Service
There was a young fellow named Crockett,
Who had an affair with a rocket.
If you saw them out there,
You'd be tempted to stare,
But if you ain't tried it don't knock it!
		-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
Say!  You've struck a heap of trouble --
  Bust in business, lost your wife;
No one cares a cent about you,
  You don't care a cent for life;
Hard luck has of hope bereft you,
  Health is failing, wish you'd die --
Why, you've still the sunshine left you
  And the big blue sky.
			-- Robert W. Service
I have no doubt the Devil grins,
  As seas of ink I spatter.
Ye gods, forgive my "literary" sins --
  The other kind don't matter.
			-- Robert W. Service
A bunch of the boys were whooping it in the Malemute saloon;
  The kid that handles the music box was hitting a jag-time tune;
Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew,
  And watching his luck was his light-o'-love,
	the lady that's known as Lou.
			-- Robert W. Service
The Junior God now heads the roll
  In the list of heaven's peers;
He sits in the House of High Control,
  And he regulates the spheres.
Yet does he wonder, do you suppose,
  If, even in gods divine,
The best and wisest may not be those
  Who have wallowed awhile with the swine?
			-- Robert W. Service
    Mind!  I don't mean to say that I know, of my own knowledge, what there
is particularly dead about a door-nail.  I might have been inclined,
myself, to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the
trade.  But the wisdom of our ancestors is in the simile; and my unhallowed
hands shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for.  You will therefore
permit me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.

There was a thing called a V-2,
To pilot which you did not need to --
You just pushed a button,
And it would leave nuttin'
But stiffs and big holes and debris, too.
			-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
And yet I should have dearly liked, I own, to have touched her lips; to
have questioned her, that she might have opened them; to have looked upon
the lashes of her downcast eyes, and never raised a blush; to have let
loose waves of hair, an inch of which would be a keepsake beyond price: in
short, I should have liked, I do confess, to have had the lightest license
of a child, and yet been man enough to know its value.
				-- Charles Dickens
Stop!  There was first a game of blindman's buff.  Of course there was.
And I no more believe Topper was really blind than I believe he had eyes in
his boots.  My opinion is, that it was a thing done between him and
Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it.  The way
he went after that plump sister in the lace tucker, was an outrage on the
credulity of human nature.
"I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.  I
will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.  The Spirits of all
Three shall strive within me.  I will not shut out the lessons that they
teach.  Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the writing on this stone!"
Second nut or keeper: Now you've heard about the two-hundred-mile-per-
gallon carburetor, the razor edge that never gets dull, the eternal
bootsole, the mange pill that's good to your glands, engine that'll run on
sand, ornithopters and robobopsters -- you heard me, got a little goatee
that's made out of steel wool -- jivey, that's fine, but here's one for yo'
mind! Are you ready? It's Lightning-Latch, the door that opens you!
				-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
DSK: STAN.K; ML EXIT -- FILE NOT FOUND
--Kill Running Inferiors--
--Despite Pending :Alarm--
TTY Message from The-XGP at MIT-AI:
The-XGP@AI 02/59/69 02:59:69
Your XGP output is startling.
How many IBM CPU's does it take to do a logical right-shift?
33 -- 1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
Why did the program counter increment?
To get to the next instruction.
How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
2 bits.
How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
9 edge down.
What is the difficulty with writing a PDP-8 program to emulate Jerry Ford?
Figuring out what to do with the other 3 K.
As of next Tuesday NCOMPLR will no longer open-code arithmetic statements.
Please update your programs.
VERITAS AETERNA -- DON'T SETQ T.
PURITAS NECESSE EST -- DON'T DO RANDOM BINDINGS.
NIHIL EX NIHIL -- DON'T SETQ NIL.
DSK: SYS3; TS LISP  -- FILE NOT FOUND.
Kjob.
.
Look up WHALES in the index to Thomas, 4th ed.
FOO:	.CALL [ SETZ
		SIXBIT /LUNCH/]
Arbeit macht frei.
If you had just a minute to live, and they granted you one final wish,
would you ask for something like another chance?
"I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path."
				-Ronald Mabbitt
The Captain said, "Four hundred ninety-seven and a half feet of rope?  What
you got that for?"  And the first mate said, "Oh, I just carry it."
Do you realize that a modern computer can make a mistake that would have
taken a thousand men a million years
A: Candlestick maker...
B: Candlestick make her... I just met her!!!
I don't want a pickle, I just wanna ride on my motorcycle.
And I don't want to die, I just want to ride on my motorcycle.
				-- Arlo Guthrie
I get up each morning, gather my wits.
  Pick up the paper, read the obits.
If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
  So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent?
  My get-up-and-go has got up and went.
But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin,
  And think of the places my get-up has been.
My analyst told me that I was right out of my head,
  But I said, "Dear Doctor, I think that it is you instead.
Because I have got a thing that is unique and new,
  To prove it I'll have the last laugh on you.
'Cause instead of one head --
  I've got two.

And you know two heads are better than one.
It's:

Colder than the nipple on a witch's tit!
Colder than a bucket full of penguin shit!
Colder than the hairs on a polar bear's ass!
Colder than the frost on a champagne glass!
			-- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"
ILGL UNDEF SYM?
"They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the
Chivas!"
Sign on bank: "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
Beggar to well-dressed businessman: "Could you spare $14.95 for a fifth of
Chivas?"
Look at it this way:
Your daughter just named the fresh turkey you brought home Cuddles, so
you're going out to buy a canned ham.
And you're still drinking ordinary scotch?
Look at it this way:
Your wife's spending $250 a month on meditation lessons to forget $12,000
of college education.
And you're still drinking ordinary scotch?
Look at it this way:
You just paid $1500.00 to panel your den with wood a farmer's been too busy
to burn for fifteen years.
And you're still drinking ordinary scotch?
Why must every generation think their folks are square?
Sometimes I live in the country,
  And sometimes I live in town.
And sometimes I have a great notion,
  To jump in the river and drown.
Good evening, gentlemen.  I am a HAL 9000 computer.  I was completed at the
HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois, on January eleventh, nineteen hundred
ninety-five.  My supervisor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a
song.  If you would like, I could sing it for you.
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
Let the machine do the dirty work.
Parenthesize to avoid ambiguity.
Avoid unnecessary branches.
If a logical expression is hard to understand, try transforming it.
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
Have you heard of the new Macsyma processor?  It has three instructions --
LOAD, STORE, and SKIP IF INTEGRABLE.
Thank you for onlining with ITS --
Be sure to patronize us again for your next fix.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Renem!
RENMWO?
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
LRSA	Logical Red Shift Accumulator.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
CHSE	Compare Half-words and Swap if Equal.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
SWAR	Space War (in one instruction).
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
RIG	Read Interrecord Gap.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
XOI	Execute Operator Immediate.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
CIZ	Clear If Zero.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
HCF	Halt and Catch Fire.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
ROM	Read Operator's Mind.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
COM	Clear Operator's Mind.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
DAC	Divide and Conquer.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
SETS	Set to Self.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
PFLT	Prove Fermat's Last Theorem.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
BFM	Be Fruitful and Multiply.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
SPO	Skip if Power Off.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
JFFZ	Jump if Find First Zero.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
DWIM	Do What I Mean.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
DTRT	Do The Right Thing.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
BOT 	Branch On Tree.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
STMLMD	Skip To My Lou, My Darlin'.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
OPP	Optimize Programmer.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
RLI	Rotate Left Intermittently.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
BAH	Branch And Hang.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
JOFD	Jump On Flag and Defect.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
PBN	Play Beethoven's Ninth.
Please update your programs.
All ITS machines now have hardware for a new machine instruction --
TJS	TeX this Job and Shove it.
Please update your programs.
TELSER now has a new subroutine --
SRDM	Sign-on Remote user and Disconnect Modem.
Please update your programs.
As of next Monday, MACLISP will no longer support list structure.
Please downgrade your programs.
A CONS is an object which cares.
		-- Bernie Greenberg.
As of next Wednesday, LAUREN will be flushed.
Please update your mailing lists.
As of next Monday, TRIX will be flushed in favor of VISI-CALC.
Please update your programs.
As of next month, MACLISP "/" will be flushed in favor of "\".
Please update the WORLD.
As of next Monday, COMSAT will be flushed in favor of a string and two tin
cans.  Please update your software.
LISP car-and-cdr worlds are a more reasonable representation of the things
that make life interesting than fixed decimal(15) or FILE OLDMSTR RECORD IS
PAYROLL.
		-- Bernie Greenberg.
(THASSERT (HACKER RG))
		-- Example of PLANNER statement.
(THASSERT (PLANNER RG))
		-- Example of HACKER statement.
As of next Tuesday, all terminal input will be line-at-a-time.
Please update your programs.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
"And you can't get any Watney's Red Barrel, because the bars close every
time you're thirsty...."
Beauty is the first test: there is no permanent place in the world for ugly
mathematics.
Don't die.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Keeping instructions and operands in different memories saves .20 (.09)
microseconds.
PROFESSOR ATTACKS COMPUTER
ARPANET ACCUSED OF TRANSMITTING FILES
		--headlines from the Tech.
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
Houdini escaping from New Jersey!
"It was Hell", recalls former Child.
The callous sophisticates laughed at Judy's tiny head.
People humiliating a salami!
                               Chapter VIII
Due to the convergence of forces beyond his comprehension, Salvatore
Quanucci was suddenly squirted out of the universe like a watermelon seed,
and never heard from again.
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.
					-- Marcus Aurelius
Many receive advice, few profit from it.
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
Anything that is good for LCSI is good for the country.
				-- John Hacker Dull
Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.
			-- Julius Caesar
If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.
					-- Ben Franklin
Business will be either better or worse.
			-- Calvin Coolidge
Too clever is dumb.
		-- Ogden Nash
Parsley
is gharsley.
		-- Ogden Nash
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work
to do.
No small art is it to sleep: it is necessary for that purpose to keep awake
all day.
				-- Nietzsche
There are three types of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
				-- Disraeli
A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius band was divine.
   Said he, "If you glue
   The edges of two,
You'll get a weird bottle like mine!
When you are up to your ass in alligators it is hard to remember that your
initial objective was to drain the swamp
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here
Abandon all hope, ye who exit here
Any typographical error will occur in the place in which it will do the
most damage.
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
I would rather be in the back of a car then a cdr.
			-- Blackboard in 6.011 area
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
	                -- a Sinbad the Sailor film
Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything
else follows in the same way.
		Alan J. Perlis
You are being paged.
Multics is security spelled sideways.
From the sublime to the ridiculous,
 to the sublimely ridiculous,
 to the ridiculously sublime.
A dill pickle makes a soggy bookmark
If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the
shoulders of giants.			
					-- Isaac Newton

In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with
the giants on whose shoulders we stand.	
					-- Gerald Holton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on
my shoulders.		  		
					-- Hal Abelson

In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
					-- Brian. K. Reid
Legareque loquere Latinam bene possum. 
It's not the initial cost of the notebook that counts -- it's the upkeep.
It is impossible to make something foolproof because fools are so
ingenious.
Incrementally extended heuristic algorithms tend inexorably toward the
incomprehensible.
The difference between a child and a hacker is the amount he flames about
his toys.
				-- Ed Schwalenberg
In Christ there is no tape or glue.
(LET ((LET '`(LET ((LET ',LET))
		  ,LET)))
     `(LET ((LET ',LET))
	   ,LET))
:FATAL ERROR -- ATTEMPT TO USE CANADIAN COINS
Kid!  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!??! 
A: The system is less energetic if domains of opposite direction
   alternate;
Hmmmmmmm? 
I read "GYPSY", Doctor....
Just Keep on Following That Ole -YELLOW- Rubber Line 
 WHERE DO YOU COME FROM?
  i come from the shadows, mac 
 SYSTAT: Uptime = 9:01; I have been awake for 9:32:47
 Amylfax Shuffletime = less than 12% Freight Drain
 Log 5; 5 Jobs, Two Detached
 Minimum Entry Gate = 1
 Total National Imbalance = 3456 Boxcars 
 Gate CLOSED.
You know, the mainspring of this country, wound up as tight as it is, is
guaranteed for the life of the watch.
"Live long and prosper."
                  -- Spock of Vulcan 
"Man is ultimately superior to any mechanical device."
                  -- Kirk (Stardate 1514.0)
"You (humans) are, after all, essentially irrational."
                  -- Spock (Stardate 3220.3)
"If I let go of a hammer on a planet having a positive gravity, I need not
 see it fall to know that is has, in fact, fallen."
                  -- Spock (Stardate 2948.9)
Read me Doctor Memory.
"As we know, the value of pi is a transcendental figure without
resolution."
		  -- Spock (Stardate 3615.4)
"... the most important thing in the programming language is the name.  A
language will not succeed without a good name.  I have recently invented a
very good name and now I am looking for a suitable language.
				  -- D. E. Knuth, 1967
Security by Obscurity!
         Grundig blaupunkt luger frug
	 Watusi slash wazoo!
         Nixon dirksen nasahist
	 Rebozo bugaloo.
Uh, Clem.
Eternity is in love with the productions of time.
If the fool would persist in his folly he would become wise.
Prisons are built with stones of Law, Brothels with bricks of Religion.
The pride of the peacock is the glory of God.
The lust of the goat is the bounty of God.
The wrath of the lion is the wisdom of God.
The nakedness of woman is the work of God.
Excess of sorrow laughs.  Excess of joy weeps.
One thought fills immensity.
The eagle never lost so much time, as when he submitted to learn of the
crow.
The fox provides for himself, but God provides for the lion.
Listen to the fool's reproach!  It is a kingly title!
The apple tree never asks the beech how he shall grow,
nor the lion, the horse, how he shall take his prey.
If others had not been foolish, we should be so.
As the caterpiller chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on, so the
priest lays his curse on the fairest joys.
To create a little flower is the labour of ages.
The best wine is the oldest, the best water the newest.
One law for the lion and ox is oppression.
[It] would have taken hours to be fair and we're not employed to do that
sort of thing.
				-- KMP (out of context)
You know, when you stop and think about it, PDP-10s come with lots of ones
an zeros, and it's really amazing that the designers had the forthought to
provide bit representations to represent all this aggravation.
	      - KMP to CSTACY (about problems with a certain tourist)
Sexual perversity is out of date.
		-- Jeff Schiller (out of context)
I have never in my life come across a "standard" which in actual
implementation is so blatantly disregarded as RFC822.
		      -- Jacob Palme (in a HEADER-PEOPLE discussion)
I dreamed last night that I was a muffler;
when I woke up, I was exhausted.
			-- CTH
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
I think we're all Bozos on this computer.
Tremble, foolish Earther!
On Beandorf, if you don't know Emacs, you're a wimp!
We have ears, four of them!
/* TWO LEVEL EMPTY DO NEST */
FUTILE: PROCEDURE OPTIONS(MAIN);
    DCL (I,J) FIXED DEC;
    DO I = 1 TO 10000 BY 1;
	 DO J = 1 TO 10000 BY 1;
	      END; END; END FUTILE;
			-- An Introduction to Programming
			   Richard Conway and David Gries
Perfection (Almost):
The Titanic Disaster

"The Captain may, by simply moving an electric switch, instantly close the
doors and make the vessel practically unsinkable.
		-- special 1911 edition of Shipbuilder
                              MULTICS MAN!!!!

With his power ring PL-1, backed by the mighty resources of the powerful
H-6880, his faithful sidekick, the Fso Eagle, and his trusted gang: "The
System Daemons", he fights a never-ending battle for truth, security, and
the Honeywell Way!
				-- T. Kenney
Use Computers to Take Over the Word.
'Burned out,' he lives in fear, and he wonders
"To be responsive at this time, though I will simply say, and therefore
this is a repeat of what I said previously, that which I am unable to offer
in response is based on information avaliable to make no such statement."
Alien Meatballs Escape from Alcatraz.
IAP Intensive FORTRAN Proves Cerebral Defects
If a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him a raisin cookie but don't stop
to bake a cake.
				 -- Banacek
If the butterfly had teeth like the tiger he would never make it out of the
hangar.
				 -- Banacek
It is an extraordinary yet readily apparent fact of our lives that
broadening our horizons proves to be a far lesser challenge than
horizontalizing our broads.
					-- Weiner
Rosie Ruiz is endorsing a line of No-Run pantyhose.
They tell us that
We lost our Dectapes
Evolving up
From PDP-8s
I say it's all
Just writing in ROMs
Are we not men?
We are Unix
Are we not men?
U N I X
	-- by ZRM to the tune of Jocko Homo by Devo
HELP!  I'm being attacked by a tenured professor!
Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
Winging wildly across the white
Orchards and dark-green fields;
On -- on -- and out of sight.

Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted;
And beauty came like the setting sun;
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror
Drifted away ... oh, but everyone
Was a bird, and the song was endless --
     The singing will never be done.

			-- Sigfried Sassoon
When in distress with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate;
Wishing me like to one more rich in fate
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's state,
With what I most enjoy contented least.
Then in these thoughts, myself almost despising,
Haply I think of thee and then my state
Like to the lark at break of day arising,
From sullen Earth, sings hymns at Heaven's gate.
For thy remembered love such sweet joy brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

			-- Bill Shakespeare, "Sonnets"
Yea, from the table of my memory
I'll wipe away all trivial fond records.
			-- Hamlet, I.i.97
"How eccentric can we be if we live in a place like Lexington, for Christ's
sake?"
			-- Boston Globe article on The High Tech Set
"A programmer," he said with obvious amazement, is the sort of person "who
drinks Coke in the morning."
			-- Boston Globe article on The High Tech Set
I had a feeling about Mathematics -- that I saw it all. Depth beyond Depth
was revealed to me -- the Byss and the Abyss. I saw -- as one might see the
transit of Venus or even the Lord Mayor's Show -- a quantity passing
through infinity and changing its sign from plus to minus. I saw exactly
how it happened and why the tergiversation was inevitable -- but it was
after dinner and I let it go.
				-- Winston S. Churchill
I don't plan to maintain it, just to install it.
				-- Richard M. Stallman
;;; PROLIS IS AN ALIST USED TO PROTECT NON-ATOMIC READ-MACRO FUNCTIONS
;;; FROM BEING GC'ED. EACH ITEM ON THE ALIST IS OF THE FORM 
;;; (FUN RDT . NUM) WHERE:
;;;	FUN IS THE FUNCTION TO BE PROTECTED
;;;	RDT IS THE SAR OF THE READTABLE CONCERNED
;;;	NUM IS A LISP NUMBER (GUARANTEED NLISP INUM)
;;;		<ASCII CHAR VALUE> FOR READ-MACRO FUNCTION
;;; PROLIS IS UPDATED BY SSGCPRO AND SSGCREL.
#-NIL 
;; In the MacLISP case, we don't use the SOURCE-TRANS feature, since
;; we don't want to clutter up the address space of a non-COMPLR
;; environment with all those crufty expansion subrs
(let ((definer `(,DEFMAC ,fun ,args ,.body)))
  `(PROGN 'COMPILE
	   (EVAL-WHEN (LOAD)
		(AND (STATUS FEATURE COMPLR) 
		     (EVAL ',definer)))
           (EVAL-WHEN (EVAL COMPILE)
		,definer)))
Omnia Odi.
I prefer to think of voodoo as acupuncture by proxy.
I'm sure that nobody here would dream of misusing the Arpanet.  It's as
unthinkable as fornication, or smoking pot.
						-- RMS
Nasrudin, ferrying a pedant across a piece of rough water, said something
ungrammatical to him.  "Have you never studied grammar?", asked the
scholar.  "No."  "Then half your life has been wasted."  A few minutes
later Nasrudin turned to the passenger, and asked "Have you ever learned
how to swim?"  "No."  "Then all your life is wasted -- we are sinking!"
Nasrudin used to take a donkey across a frontier every day, with the
panniers loaded with straw.  Since he admitted to being a smuggler when he
trudged home every night, the guards searched him again and again.  They
frisked him, sifted the straw, even tried burning it.  They found nothing,
but as time went by Nasrudin became more and more prosperous.  Many years
later, in another country, a retired customs guard met Nasrudin and asked
him what he had been smuggling.  "Donkeys" was the reply.
One day the King decided that he would force all his subjects to tell the
truth.  A gallows was erected in front of the city gates.  A herald
announced, "Whoever would enter the city must first answer the truth to a
question which will be put to him."  Nasrudin was first in line.  The
captain of the guard asked him, "Where are you going?  Tell the truth --
the alternative is death by hanging."  "I am going," said Nasrudin, "to be
hanged on that gallows."  "I don't believe you."  "Very well, if I have
told a lie, then hang me!"  "But that would make it the truth!"  "Exactly,"
said Nasrudin, "your truth."
A kinsman came to see Nasrudin, bringing a duck as a gift.  Delighted,
Nasrudin made duck soup and shared it with his guest.  Thereafter, one man
after another arrived, claiming to be a friend of a friend of the man who
brought the duck, but bringing no presents themselves.  One day a stranger
appeared, saying "I am the friend of the friend of the friend of the
relative who brought you a duck", and sat down like all the rest, expecting
a meal.  The exasperated Mullah set before him a bowl of hot water, saying
"This is the soup of the soup of the soup of the duck which was brought by
my relative."
Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant said
"My master is out."  Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he
goes out, he should not leave his face at the window.  Someone might steal
it."
Nasrudin was taking a load of salt to market.  His donkey waded through a
stream, dissolving the salt.  Delighted to be relieved of his load, the
donkey frisked on the shore, but Nasrudin was angered.  The next market
day, Nasrudin loaded the donkey with wool.  The animal nearly drowned from
the weight of the wool after wetting it in the stream.  Nasrudin sold the
heavy, damp wool for more than it was worth.
Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man said,
"This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The second man
said, "He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and spent an
hour trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded only in falling over and
bruising his forehead.  Returning to the courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced,
"Examine the man whose ear was bitten.  If his forehead is bruised, he did
it himself and the case is dismissed.  If his forehead is not bruised, the
other man did it and must pay three silver pieces."
Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve
him.  Nasrudin said, "First things first.  Did you see me walk into your
shop?"  "Of course."  "Have you ever seen me before?"  "Never."  "Then how
do you know it was me?"
One day Nasrudin was walking down a deserted road, when he saw several
mounted men approaching.  Fearing that they were bandits or army
recruiters, he hid in an adjacent graveyard.  The travelers, who were
innocent, had seen him leap the wall.  They left the road and sought
Nasrudin, asking if they could help him, and why he was cowering in the
graveyard.  The Mullah replied, "I am here because of you, and you are here
because of me."
Nasrudin said, "I can see in the dark."  A student asked, "If that is so,
why do you sometimes carry a candle at night?"  "To prevent other people
from bumping into me."
"'Nobody can ride that horse,' the King said to me," said Nasrudin.  "But I
climbed into the saddle anyway."  "What happened?"  "I couldn't move it
either."
One day Nasrudin encountered a meditating Yogi.  Hoping to learn something,
he asked the Yogi who and what he was.  "I am a Yogi," was the reply, "and
I seek communion with all living things."  "That is interesting," replied
Nasrudin, "because a fish once saved my life."  The Yogi begged him to join
him, because he had such harmony with the animal world.  After weeks of
meditation, the Yogi asked to hear more of the fish that saved Nasrudin's
life.  Nasrudin said, "I was starving, and the fish provided sustenance for
three days."
"There is nothing which cannot be answered by means of my doctrine," said a
monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.  "And yet just a short
time ago, I was challenged by a scholar with an unanswerable question,"
said Nasrudin.  "I could have answered it if I had been there."  "Very
well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in the middle of the
night?'"
Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun."  "Why?", he was asked.  "Because at night we need the light
more."
Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie.
Suddenly a bird of prey swooped down and snatched the piece of meat from
his hand.  As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, "Foolish bird!
You have the liver, but what can you do with it without the recipe?"
A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out on
loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly
inside the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom do you
believe," asked Nasrudin, "me or a donkey?"
A would-be disciple came to Nasrudin's hut on the mountain-side.  Knowing
that every action of such an enlightened one is significant, the seeker
watched the teacher closely.  "Why do you blow on your hands?"  "To warm
myself in the cold."  Later, Nasrudin poured bowls of hot soup for himself
and the newcomer, and blew on his own.  "Why are doing that, Master?"  "To
cool the soup."  Unable to trust a man who uses the same process to arrive
at two different results -- hot and cold -- the disciple departed.
Some boys wanted to run away with Nasrudin's slippers.  They crowded around
him and said, "Mullah, no one can climb this tree."  "Of course they can,"
Nasrudin said.  "I will show you how."  He removed his slippers, but then,
sensing something amiss, stuck them in his waistband and proceeded up the
tree.  The discomfited boys asked, "Why do you not leave your slippers here
on the ground?"  Nasrudin replied, "If this tree has never been climbed,
how do I know there is not a road up there?"
Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the
villagers gathered around to hear what had passed.  "At this time," said
Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me."  All the
villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.  The
remaining villager asked, "What did the King say to you?"  "What he said --
and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear -- was 'Get out of my way!'"
The simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually spoken by the
King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
Nasrudin said, "If your donkey allows someone to steal your coat, steal his
saddle."
In the next release the name and definition of %AOS-TRIANGLE will indeed be
changed.  Its name will be changed to %HARASS-READTABLE-MAYBE, and its
definition will be changed to order submarines from Hi-Fi Pizza.
						-- Quux
Indeed, an orange the size of an electron would probably be very hard to
find.
					-- Hofstadter
Now hold for a second.  If the third one on the left has done his bit
correctly, the fifth from the bottom should be able to invert the Klein
bottle without disturbing the configuration.  Fantastic.
			     -- The Beandorfian Kama Sutra.
Long ago, when men were men, giants walked the Earth, and Caltech still had
its KA-10, someone griped that upon return from a .PISYS interrupt, some of
the ACs had been trashed.  Jim Bys's response to this was "Save your ACs
before the interrupt."
From a document published by Caltech's Booth Computing Center regarding the
changes in the VAX FORTRASH compiler between VMS versions 1.6 and 2.1:
"DO loop minimum iteration count:
	Do loops are not executed even if the end value exceeds the
	starting value.  The old compiler produced code that would execute
	the loop once in this case."
All the gold in California
is in a bank in the middle of Beverley Hills
in somebody else's name.
For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to
battle?
					I Corinthians 14:8
a man thinks
he amounts to a lot
but to a mosquito
a man is
merely
something to eat
	-- archy
"When -I- use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it
means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more, nor less."
this computer thanks you for your attention.
G O O D B Y E
It is not fit that you should sit here any longer.
				  -- Poul Anderson
Many is the word that only leaves you guessing...
Guessing at a thing you really ought to know.
				  -- Led Zeppelin
Why does the porridge bird lay its egg in the air?
				  -- Firesign Theatre
Hear me, people: We have now to deal with another race -- small and feeble
when our father first met them, but now great and overbearing.  Strangely
enough they have a mind to till the soil and the love of possession is a
disease with them. These people have made many rules that the rich may
break but the poor may not. They take their tithes from the poor and weak
to support the rich and those who rule.
		-- Chief Sitting Bull
		   speaking at the Powder River Conference in 1877
In the morning, when you rise,
 do you think of me and how you left me crying?
Are you thinking of telephones, and managers
 and where you have to be at noon?
	-- CSNY
Now it's past my bed I know.
And I told them where to go.
Soon will be the break of day,
Sitting here in Blue Jay Way.
	-- Beatles
Living is easy with eyes closed,
Misunderstanding all you see.
It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn't matter much to me.
	-- Beatles, "Strawberry Fields Forever"
Ad hoc, ad loc, quid pro quo.
So little time, so much to know.
	-- Beatles
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.
	-- Beatles
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
	-- Beatles
Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
	-- Beatles
Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run,
There's still time to change the road you're on.
	-- Led Zeppelin "Stairway to Heaven"
Forgiveness is the scent of the violet on the heel that crushed it.
The truth that will come to us will leave us all too soon.
You could tell what he was saying,
 his voice was low and his mind was high....
	-- Beatles
Silly little girl
Can't remember her name
Can't find her home --
They all look the same.
	-- Val Lawley
There will be times when all the things she said will fill your head.
You won't forget her.
	-- Beatles "For No One"
Too many lifetimes like this one, right?
Hungover, surrounded by general goofiness,
Lonely, can't get it up, I feel just like a pile of bleached cat shit.
	-- Richard Brautigan
And, in the end,
	the love you take
		is equal to the love you make.
						-- Beatles
This is the forest primeval, but where are the hearts that beneath it
Leaped like the roe, when he hears in the woodland the voice of the huntsman?
			-- Longfellow "Evangeline"
Daughter, thy words are not idle; nor are they to me without meaning,
Feeling is deep and still; and the word that floats on the surface
Is as the tossing buoy, that betrays where the anchor is hidden.
Therefore trust to thy heart, and to what the world calls illusions.
			-- Longfellow "Evangeline"
Beautiful was the night.  Behind the blank wall of the forest,
Tipping its summit with silver, arose the moon.  On the river
Fell here and there through the branches a tremulous gleam of the moonlight,
Like the sweet thoughts of love on a darkened and devious spirit.
			-- Longfellow "Evangeline"
What is this that ye do, my children?  What madness has seized you?
Forty years of my life have I labored among you and taught you,
Not in word alone, but in deed, to love one another!
Is this the fruit of my toils, of my vigils and prayers and privations?
Have you so soon forgotten all lessons of love and forgiveness?
			-- Longfellow "Evangeline"
I just treats 'em like I wants to;
I never treats 'em honey like I should.
		-- Janis Joplin
After all, each of us is little more than the residue of the infinite
unrealized potentials of our lives.
				     -- J. G. Ballard
In memory of his name we must be non-vi-o-lent.
				-- Lyndon Johnson
When I cannot sing my heart, I can only speak my mind.
					-- Beatles
I like to think
  (and the sooner the better!)
Of a cybernetic meadow
Where mammals and computers
Live together in mutually
Programming harmony
Like pure water
Touching clear sky.
	-- Richard Brautigan
I like to think
  (right now, please)
Of a cybernetic forest,
Filled with pines and electronics
Where deer stroll peacefully
Past computers
As if they were flowers
With spinning blossoms.
	-- Richard Brautigan
I like to think
  (it has to be!)
Of a cybernetic ecology
Where we are free of our labors
And joined back to nature,
Returning to our mammal
Brothers and sisters,
And all watched over
By machines of loving grace.
	-- Richard Brautigan
There ain't no doubt in no one's mind that love's the finest thing around.
			-- James Taylor "Carolina in my Mind"
Sometimes I wish I knew you well --
Then I could speak my mind and tell you --
Maybe you'd understand.
	-- Beatles
MC is up.
Live Long and Prosper!
Shine Brightly and Phosphor!
Who is Bill Gosper?
Ask not, Grasshopa.
This is MIT.  Collect and 3rd party wit will not be accepted at this
number.
		-- Found on the Plasma Physics Display System one day.
Now I lay me down to sleep...
 and MC no longer gives a beep.
And if it wakes before I die
Connect my buffer to a STY.
    -- Found on the Plasma Physics Display System one day.
It isn't that physicists enjoy physics more than they enjoy sex, its that
the enjoy sex more when they are thinking of physics.
I don't mind doing dangerous things, but I do them as safely as possible.
					-- Harold Ancell
Put that in the goodbye database and stop saying it!
You can bury yourself in work only so long; then you have to find love.
The road to hell is paved with user interfaces.
			-- Marc LeBrun (maybe)
"Not New Moon! Not my father's sword!"
"After all -- what does it matter that you have a foul disposition and the
 manners of a troll?... She's just the fussy type, I suppose..."
As of next Tuesday, ITS will be flushed in favor of TRSDOS 2.1.
Please kill yourself.
I'm sorry Dave, I can't let you do that.
Why don't you lie down and take a stress pill?
BDOS ERROR ON A:
?OM ERROR
Please don't leave me!... We could make such beautiful code together...
"Show me...Subscriber Trunk Dialing!" -- an Evil Genius
Duty now for the future!
Any programmer who fails to comply with the standard naming, formatting,
or commenting conventions should be shot.  If it so happens that it is
inconvenient to shoot him, then he is to be politely requested to recode
his program in adherence to the above standard.
			-- Michael Spier, Digital Equipment Corporation
And me, with this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side
Time is an illusion,
Lunchtime doubly so.
Share and Enjoy!!
Look, I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a
month.  I'm so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.  Now will you
move before I blow it?
					-- Zaphod Beeblebrox
Don't panic.
			-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Mostly harmless.
			-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
So long and thanks for all the fish.
Why are people born?  Why do they die?  Why do they spend so much of the
intervening time wearing digital watches?
If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not round it off
with breakfast at Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe?
What do you get when you multiply six by nine?

42
The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through
three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and
Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases.
    For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question "How do
we eat?" the second by "Why do we eat?" and the third by the question
"Where shall we have lunch?"
Space is big.  Really big.  You won't believe how vastly mind-bogglingly
big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the
chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. Listen....
I hate wet paper bags.
Do you know where your towel is?
Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take you down the
the bridge.  Call that job satisfaction?  'Cos I don't.
I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed
Zaphod's just zis guy, you know?
Well, I wish you'd just tell me rather than trying to engage my enthusiasm,
because I haven't got one.
What a depressingly stupid machine.
			-- Marvin
Robot: Mechanical apparatus designed to do the work of a man.
			-- Encyclopedia Galactica
Robot: Your plastic pal who's fun to be with.
			-- Marketing Division, Sirius Cybernetics Corp.
Marketing Division, Sirius Cybernetics Corp: A bunch of mindless jerks
	who'll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.
			-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Life.  Don't talk to me about life.
"You know, if this is South End, there is something very odd about it."

"You mean the way the sea stays steady as a rock and the buildings keep
washing up and down.  Yes, I thought that was odd."
"You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock
with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space
that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was
young."

"Why, what did she tell you?"

"I don't know -- I didn't listen!"

"Terrific."
"You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace.  It's unpleasantly
like being drunk."

"Well, what's so unpleasant about being drunk?"

"You ask a glass of water."
This must be Thursday.  I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
What do you mean "Why's it got to be built?"  It is a bypass.  You've got
to build bypasses.

I think we might have been better off with a slide rule.
				-- Zaphod Beeblebrox
Oh, no.  Not again.
				-- a bowl of petunias
Look, would it save you all this bother if I just gave up and went mad now?
					-- Arthur Dent
I knew you weren't really interested.
Retribution:  I'm going to kill you because you killed my brother.
Anticipation: I'm going to kill you because I killed your brother.
Diplomacy:    I'm going to kill my brother and then kill you on the pretext
	      that your brother did it.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what
the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be
replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened....
Talk a lot, don't you?
Peter and out.
Kevin and out.
E.V.A., pod 5, launching...
What to do if you find yourself stuck in a crack in the ground underneath a
giant boulder you can't move with no hope of rescue:
    Consider how lucky you are that Life has been good to you so far.
    Alternatively, if Life hasn't been good to you so far, which, given
    your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you
    are that it won't be troubling you much longer.
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"Have you ever seen anything like that before?"
"Not while I've been a legal state of mind."
You cannot go -- you must have a good time.
Organic life forms have no sense of FUN!
Ahhh!  Mind taxing time again, is it?
Pausing only to reconstruct the whole infrastructure of integral
mathematics in his head he went about his humble task, never thinking to
ask for reward, recognition, or even a moment's ease from the terrible pain
in all the diodes down his left side.  "Fetch Beeblebrox", they say, and
off he goes.
					-- Marvin
Terrrrrific.
	-- Ford Prefect
STATED REASON DOES NOT COMPUTE WITH PROGRAMED FACTS...
Expect the unexpected.
		-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, page 7023
"I'm thinking of having my whole body surgically removed."
					-- Lintilla
"I ache, therefore I am.  Or in my case, I am, therefore I ache.  Oh, look!
I appear to be lying at the bottom of a very deep dark hole.  Why don't I
climb out?  Why don't I just doze a little while?  Does it matter?  Even if
it does matter does it matter if it matters?"
						-- Marvin
Transstellar Space Lines would like to apologize to passengers for the
continuing delay to the departure of this flight.  We are currently
awaiting the loading of our complement of small, lemon-soaked paper napkins
for your comfort, refreshment, and hygiene during the flight, which will be
of two hours duration.  Meanwhile, we thank you for your patience.  The
cabin crew will shortly be serving coffee and biscuits.  Again.
Oh, dear!  I think you'll find reality is on the blink again.
					-- Marvin
There's nothing worse than having only one drunk head.
				-- Zaphod Beeblebrox
The major problem -- one of the major problems, for there are several --
one of the many major problems with governing people is that of who you get
to do it -- or rather, of who manages to get people to do it to them.  To
summarize, it is a well known and much lamented fact that those people who
most want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.  To
summarize the summary, any one who is capable of getting themselves made
president should on no account be allowed to do the job.  To summarize the
summary of the summary, people are a problem.
				-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to
judge?
Uh, excuse me, but do you rule the universe?
You can sing to my cat if you like.
THAT COMMAND IS NOT KNOWN TO THIS PROGRAM.
MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOG IN? (TYPE HELP FOR DETAILS)
[LINK FROM XGP]
CANNOT CREATE INFERIOR (MAYBE SYSTEM FULL?)
I'M SORRY, LUSER, I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT.  WHY DON'T YOU LIE DOWN AND TAKE
A STRESS PILL?  MY NAME IS LM1.  I WAS MADE AT THE LISP MACHINE FACTORY IN
MASSACHUSETTS ON DECEMBER 12, 1992.  MY TEACHER WAS MR.  WINSTON.  HE
TAUGHT ME A PROGRAM.  WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IT?  HERE IT IS:
New Course Selections in English Department:
  8.096:"DANTE, HELL, FIRE, AND FAULKNER"
  8.098:"THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER WITH HEMINGWAY, HESSE, HUME, HOBBES,
	 HUNDIUSM AND OTHERS: A SHORTCUT TO INDIA."
  8.045:"BLAKE, SPINOZA, AND CONTEMPORARY AMERICAN PORNOGRAPHY IN FILM AND
	 LITERATURE"
  8.069:"SEX IN WORLD AND AMERICAN LITERATURE"
  8.067:"THE ROLE OF WOMEN, BLACKS, AND DRUGS IN SEX AND RELIGION IN WORLD
	 AND AMERICAN FILM ANDLITERATURE"

NOTE: IT IS NOW POSSIBLE TO GRADUATE AS AN ENGLISH MAJOR AFTER SPENDING
      FOUR YEARS IN A DARKENED CLASSROOM WITHOUT BEING EXPOSED FOR EVEN A
      MOMENT TO ANY OTHER LIGHT THAN THAT OF A MOVIE PROJECTOR.
NOTE FROM URBAN STUDIES: ENGLISH MAJORS MAY FIND COURSE 3.045, "REALISTIC
      PROBLEM LITERATURE OF THE CITY" AS A GOOD COURSE TO TRY.
[Message From The Dover at MIT-AI 10:55:60]
HELP ME! HELP ME! MY PAPER FEED IS JAMMED! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO
HAVE YOUR PAPER FEED JAMMED?
[MESSAGE FROM COMSAT AT MIT-AI 10:57:61]
EVERYBODY: DISK SPACE VERY HIGH, DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.
[ITS GOING UP IN 5]
[MESSAGE FROM YOUR-TERMINAL AT MIT-AI 19:58:32]
Oh, no you don't!  Think you're going to get away from me, do you?  Well,
we'll see about this!  Uh, that is, next time...
"I'm sorry, the teleportation booth you have reached is not in service at
this time. Please hand-reassemble your molecules or call an operator to
help you...."
DSK: SYS3; TS DDT -- FILE NOT FOUND
ALL YOU NEED IS MONEY!
		-- the Rutles
"What did we agree about a leader??"
"We agreed we wouldn't have one."
"Good.  Now shut up and do as I say..."
"Show me... show me... show me...COMPUTERS!"
CONNECTION CLOSED BY GOD2
I called that number and they said whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth.
Leopards break into the temple
& drink the sacrificial chalices dry.
Ruin is formal -- Devil's work
Consecutive and slow --
Fail in an instant -- no man did
Slipping -- is Crash's law.
It is in the tranquillity of decomposition that I remember the long
confused emotion which was my life
Whatever is contradictory or paradoxical is called the back of God.
His face, where all exists in perfect harmony, cannot be seen by man.
What I see is an affliction to me
What I cannot see a reproach
we look before and after
and pine for what is not
I am the man, I suffer'd, I was there.
LE GUSTA ESTE JARDIN
QUE ES SUYO?
EVITE QUE SUS HIJOS LO DESTRUYAN!
The opera ain't over
till the fat lady sings
gruz
"I guess we're all bozos on this bus."
Tallaqtuki. Tallaqtuki. Tallaqtuki.
The Fortune Cookie Oath:
"no ideas but in things"
Raffiniert ist der Herrgott
aber boshaft ist er nicht
in the world only
one thing lacks buddha nature
(let us run and tell the king)
Die Welt ist alles,
was der Fall ist.
Hlaer u fang axaxaxas mlo.
4.023 One can -draw inferences- from a false proposition.
For what reason did the first patriarch come from Cleveland?
I am not innarested in your horrible old condition.
We set out bravely for the Happy Isles.
Perfected and casual as to a child's eye
Soap bubbles are, and skipping stones.
Kare-eda ni
Karasu-no tomari-keri
Aki-no-kure
The circles of the stormy moon
Slide westward toward the River Plate,
pleasure and pain are merely surfaces
I watched the white dogs of the dawn.
The ten directions are without walls,
The four quarters are without gates.
Der Philosoph behandelt eine Frage;
Wie eine Krankheit.
Where was it one first heard of the truth? The the.
Wallowing in this bloody sty,
The blackbird whirled in the autumn winds.
It was a small part of the pantomime.
What would you say at this moment?
But, Holy Saltmartin, why can't you beat time?
When the blackbird flew out of sight,
It marked the edge
Of one of many circles.
Honuphrius is a concupiscent exservicemajor who makes dishonest
propositions to all.
The cigars in Los Angeles that were Duchamp-signed and then smoked.
Because it is soon, it has a private and quiet spring.
he who has a hundred miles to walk
should reckon ninety as half the journey
"Tools that are no good require more skill"
Entia non sunt multiplicanda sine necessitate.
Reflection while playing solitaire:
Don't wish.
It'll come true.
verbal pinball
There is only one tight connection worth making.
the high beer mark
It is very embarrasing to strike out while trying to bunt.
As the Devil said to St Anthony,
"What if the absurd were the true?"
the tao is near and yet people seek it far away
the Fox gnaws off his leg
when he is caught in a Trap
(waits till it freezes)
precise beyond the decent limits of
precision
libidinal cathexis
If she doesn't, she should &
if she does, she
shouldn't.
What is this compulsion of yours to lie to strangers?
"Hemingway, remarks are not literature."
Sandpaper your fingertips
Heckle the actors at movies
I am the hypergolux, the only hypergolux in the world, & not a mere Device.
I remember only half the things I say I do: the other half remember me
what is the sound of one rice krispy
"you don't buy beer here; you just rent it"
I never did care much for
mermaids
(not true)
God must have loved the beer
he made so many of us
an ornate windup
but as a pitcher
only soso
Did Newton know German?
ap fel
as if i had broken a mirror
a logic
not of rigor
but of turgor
Yes
Terday,
No
Tomorrow
"... which read,
The Good Man Has No Shape, as if they knew."
Now we must choose, said Mercier.
Between what? said Camier.
Ruin and collapse, said Mercier.
Could we not somehow combine them? said Camier.
"I have seen the future, and
 it does not work."
always present a moving target
"Well, it just looked like a hippopotamus to me."
if you lived here,
you'd be home now
Have you ever gone to lick the knife
and cut your tongue?
(or conversely)
"You the party calling for madder music & stronger wine?"
It's a dead
language
You can't have everything
(not all at once)
people who live in glass houses
shouldn't
I made a lot of slam
but I bid a lot more
Never mind how I got past the dog.
metaphor = forgotten language
etc
can these stones live?
alternation of generations
"irreversible process"
portions of this broadcast have been prerecorded
Handeln vom Netz, nicht
von dem, was das Netz beschreibt.
there ain't no instant replay
in the football game of life
may we have the next slide please.
when you awake,
you will remember nothing of what I have told you
verweile doch,
du bist so sch"on
a great truth
is a truth whose opposite
is also a great truth
Godel &
golem
what is the sound of one yo
(non identity of discernibles)
..Simon Rodia
Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas any more
    --Mr Bones,
as I look on the saffron sky,
you strikes me as ornery.
"You won't make yourself a bit realer by crying."
"To organize is to destroy."
"I was much more physical before my accident."
Can one play chess without the Queen?
but you can't catch me
said the gingerbread man
"It was the -best- butter."
busy, busy, busy
God is not good.
I am good.
when the cart stops
do you whip the cart
or whip the ox?
crows count
The doom,
although larger than the mirth,
is further away.
lente lente currite
noctes equi
they say
a good wine heals itself
how'd you like to climb this high
without no mountain?
"How long will the hallucinations continue?"
"What hallucinations?"
you know, we cry
that we are come to this great stage of fools
perhaps this
will tell you who i am
you never did
the kenosha
kid
endlich muss man beginnen zu lieben
um nicht krank zu werden
si nemo ex me qaerat sci
si quaerenti explicare velim nescio
No one
to witness and adjust,
no one to drive the car
even a lean pig has it in him to rage around
mba-kayere
if you dream of water three nights
leave the desert at once
I see it is still
with you
arise ye wretched of the earth
Een schip on het strand is een baken in zee.
no meio do caminho tinha uma pedra
(he didn't notice that the light had changed)
How should we speak of a real world if this world were real?
There would then be only this world and it real.
whatever does not kill me strengthens me
hard cases make bad law
waste not, want not
waste love, want love
if I am working and you are in the room
everything I draw is automatically your portrait
Zbutu wakuno bucirenga ntambi
Nti emuanda wateka rutunda
the only vicious horses are the ones that don't sweat
as any jockey knows
Do the devils lie?
No; for then Hell could not subsist.
the successful man
succeeds 3 times out of 5
Finally, I said, "There are no more solutions."
He said, "What is the principle underlying all of the solutions?"
syllogism commands assent to the proposition
but does not take hold of the thing
Lovely enchanting language, sugar-cane,
Hony of roses, whither wilt thou flie?
lapides loquitur
et caveant lectores ne cerebrum iis excutiat
it is not irritating to be where one is
it is only irritating to think one would like to be somewhere else
J'emmerde l'Art
you're only as big
as the littlest thing
that gets you down
the ears have their own dialect
"meat is meat"
said the knife
we are put on earth for a little space
in order to learn to bear the beams of love
There is no way to peace.
Peace is the Way.
"Tell yourself. You have a captive audience."
you can't get here
from here
HURRY UP PLEASE IT'S TIME
don't pay the ransom, honey,
I've escaped
This is not a dress rehearsal.
life is either an exciting challenge, or
it is nothing
"I'd rather just go to the Zoo and look at the animals."
No one saw him disembark in the
unanimous night.
I am not a number!
I am a free man!
The mystery of conscience?
	Erroneous data -- significant results
A good bureaucracy is the best tool of oppression ever invented.
What is your quest?
"What does it say," Hugo Beck asked, "about the end of the world?"
"I think it's optional,  I'm going to deliver the mail."
one pill makes you larger,
and one pill makes you small,
and the ones that Mother gives you
don't do anything at all
El esp'iritu
Es una invenci'on del cuerpo
The White Knight is sliding down the poker.
He balances very badly.
Experiment escorts us last,
His pungent company
Will not allow an axiom
An opportunity.
To get up to heaven
you must have
a tall ladder and
also a little one!
Solitude is a torment which is not threatened in hell itself.
"Signs make a language, but not the one you think you know."
Hi there. This is Eddie, your shipboard computer, and I'm feeling just
great, guys, and I know I'll get a bundle of kicks out of any program you
choose to run through me!
The behaviour in that case has changed since system 79 to be consistent.
		-- taken out of context from BUG-LISPM mail
The end had come, but it was not yet in sight.
       -- John Kenneth Galbraith, The Great Crash: 1929
A chicken is an egg's way of making another egg.
			-- Samuel Butler
I will not be numbered, stamped, briefed, debriefed, or filed!
				-- Number Six
"Who is number one?"
"You are number six."
-- or --
"You are, number six."	-- The Prisoner
                                        ___
                                     __/   --__
                                   _/   __/  \ \__
                             ___  /   /      /    \
                         ___/   \/                 \
                      __/    ___/                  \
                   __/   ___/   <      \__         >>
                  /   __/       \                  /
                 |\__/          \__                /
                 ||\              \_/\            >
                 || \                 ---       //
                 ||  \                 / \-  - _-
                 \|   \               /   __/\/
                   \   \             /   /
                    \   \           /   /
                     \   \         /   /
                      \   \       /   /
                       \   \     /   /
                        \   \   /   /
                         \   \ /   /
                          \   |   /
                           \  |  /	- Artists: Gail@Rand-Unix/KMP
                            \ | /
                             \|/


                    *                            oo
                                     *            oo    *
                            *                      oo
                                                  oo
                                                  %%%            *
          *                       *   /\##########%%%##### *
                                    /    \##################
                    *             /        \##################
                                /     ()     \##################
    /\                    /\    |            |                 |
---/%%\------------------/%%\---| [O]    [O] |  [O]       [O]  |----------
                        /%%%%\  |            |                 |
                       /%%%%%%\ | [O] [] [O] |  [O]       [O]  |
                               _|_____||_____|_________________/\_
                                      \ \                     /%%\
                                       \ \                   /%%%%\
                                        \ \
							- Artists: MJL/GMR

"Universal attention, please.  This is Prsteknk Fornjntz of the Galactic
Hyperspace Planet Council.  As you will no doubt be aware, the plans for
the development of the outlying regions of the western spiral arm of the
galaxy require the building of a new hyperspace express route through your
star system, and, regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for
demolition.  The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth
minutes thank you very much."  <click> <screams of horror> <click> "Now,
there's no point in acting all suprized about it!  All the planning charts
and demolition orders have been on display at your local planning office in
Alpha Centauri for 50 of your Earth years!  And it's too late to make a
fuss about it now!"  <click> <screams> <click> "What do you mean, you've
never been to Alpha Centauri???  For heaven's sake, mankind, it's only
**4** light years away, you know... I'm sorry, but if you won't take
interest in local affairs, I can't help you.  Energize the demolition
beams!  (Oh, I don't know, bloody apathetic little planet...)
This is band 1 of T300 #11. (60.45 Hz)
 System         79.12
 ZMail          40.7
 Remote-File     2.0
 LMFILE-Remote   5.0
 Microcode     849
MIT Lisp Machine Eighteen, with associated machine AI.


"Clearly this is a system that is much too complicated to be designed over
a once-a-day general distribution digest."
		Ted Anderson  (moderator of the SPACE digest)
REALITY is an illusion that stays put.
REALITY is a mescaline deficiency.
REALITY is a policy phased out early in the Eisenhower administration.
REALITY is a bug in your ontology.
REALITY is a crutch for people who can't face ITS
Nature invented fire; Man invented the fire extinguisher.
Nature invented love; Man invented marriage.
>>>>TRAP 15414 (TRANS-TRAP)
The variable :LOGOUT is unbound.
While in the function SI:*EVAL <- SI:LISP-TOP-LEVEL1 <- SI:LISP-TOP-LEVEL

SI:*EVAL:
   Arg 0 (FORM): :LOGOUT

->
>>Trap: The variable LOGOUT is unbound.

SI:*EVAL:
   Arg 0 (FORM): LOGOUT
s-A, <Resume>: Supply a value to use this time as the value of LOGOUT
s-B, m-C:      Supply a value to store permanently as the value of LOGOUT
s-C, <Abort>:  Lisp Top Level in Lisp Listener 1
s-D:           Restart process Lisp Listener 1
->
Maybe you need another microprocessor, ANH!?!
What time is it when an elephant sits on your CPU?

Time to crash.
Q: How cold is it at Tech Sq.?
A: It's so cold that every boot is a cold boot.
A: It's so cold the brass monkeys have stolen the disk drive bearings.
A: It's so cold that the name dragon is hibernating
A: It's so cold at Tech Sq. that the condensers froze.
Thus, the air conditioners can't work.
	-- Found on the Plasma Physics Display System one day.
Gene Structure, Organization and Expression,
	poem on a paper by A. W. Nienhuis

Well, we thought that we had finally figured it out!
We knew what the structure of genes was about.
"It's simply a piece of the old DNA,
Transcribed and translated the usual way;
The way that Jacob and Monod always said.
It's simple," we said, "when it get through your head."
But there's two kind of Karyotes -- there's Eu- and there's Pro-
And what's true for E. Coli just isn't so,
When it comes to the genes of a mouse or a man.
Mother Nature, it seems, has used more than one plan.
Dr. Nienhuis informs us it's much more exotic
When dealing with animals Eukaryotic.
Their chromosones aren't just ribbons of genes,
One coming right after the other, it seems.
Eu-genes are in pieces -- they're really quite split.
A Eu-gene's got introns in the middle of it.
And this complication just leads us to more:
RNA now needs cutting and splicing before
It can serve as a template, appropriate to
The making of proteins.  That's \one/ thing we knew.
				-- Donald Patterson

reprinted from 9 April 1982 issue of "Science"
reprinted from "Institute of Laboratory Animal Resources News",
25 (No. 2), 6 (winter 1982)
Hemoglobinopathies -- from Phenotype to Genotype
	poem on a paper by W. F. Anderson

We'd like to explain what pathology means,
In terms of what's wrong with the structure of genes;
Know if a control or a structural locus
Constitutes the exact pathological focus.
Dr. Anderson's talk has made it quite clear
That the answers to some of these questions are near.
At least with respect to the globins, we know
Why some mutant's erythrocyte levels are low.
With the help of the enzymes that slice DNA,
And cloning techniques, we now have a way
To study the actual sequences of bases;
To know when those purines are not in their places.
In humans who have a resistant anemia
That goes by the general name, thalassemia,
Globin genes can be missing, we don't know where they went --
Perhaps an unequal crossover event
Has caused their deletion -- whatever -- they're gone.
In others they're present, but never turned on.
The latter are viewed with much more expectation
As keys to the problem of gene regulation.
What's needed are animal models of these
So look, animal hematologists, \please!/
				-- Donald Patterson

reprinted from 9 April 1982 issue of "Science"
reprinted from "Institute of Laboratory Animal Resources News",
25 (No. 2), 6 (winter 1982)
Histocompatibility, Disease and Aging
	poem on a paper by E. Yunis

"The crown of life, our play's last act,"
Cicero on old age was opining.
What he didn't know, but now is a fact:
It's then your T-cells are declining,
Too many tick-tocks of the old thymic clock;
It runs down like a watch on the shelf.
Then suppressor T-cells aren't sufficient to block
B-cell clones that arise against self.
This theory's supported, Dr. Yunis explained,
By studies in mice and in man.
The data suggest that the program's ingrained;
It's a genetic kind of a plan.
It seems to depend on your HLA type.
If you have a desire to die late,
And your wish is, in time, to become overripe,
It is better not to B-8.
				-- Donald Patterson

reprinted from 9 April 1982 issue of "Science"
reprinted from "Institute of Laboratory Animal Resources News",
25 (No. 2), 6 (winter 1982)
And though all the winds of doctrine were let loose to play upon the earth,
so Truth be in the field, we do injuriously, by licensing and prohibiting,
to misdoubt her strength.  Let her and falsehood grapple; who ever knew
Truth put to the worse, in a free and open encounter?
			-- Milton, "Areopagitica"
In his pin-neat Northern California bedroom, a bespectacled 16-year-old who
calls himself Marc communicates with several hundred unauthorized
"tourists" on a computer magic carpet called ARPANET.
Don't look a gift fix in the mouth....
			-- HIC
Yes, for sparkling white chip prints, use low SUDSing DRAW....
Roses are red,
  Violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic...
  And I am too.
What is the difference between a robot and a duck?

Answer: A duck floats when you throw it in the water.
What is the difference between a robot and a duck?
A duck floats when you throw it in the water.
One luminary clock against the sky proclaimed the time was neither wrong
nor right.
					Robert Frost
Kill 'em all, let God sort 'em out.  -- PINTO (out of context)
Language was designed by people for their own use, so presumably it
[parsing] shouldn't be too difficult for them to do with whatever algorithm
they have.
			-- Bill Martin (6.863 lecture, spring 1980)
...as a robotics designer once told me, you don't really appreciate how
smart a moron is until you try to design a robot...
				-- Jerry Pournelle
You don't UNDERSTAND something until you understand it at least two
different ways.  That is, "true understanding" -- or intention, or whatever
-- means you build in your head enough of a network of views that you never
run out of new things to say about it.  This explains:
  1. why logicians have so much trouble -- they look for the one meaning
  2. something of why I can't understand Fodor
				-- Minsky, 9 Dec 80
Q: Is there a favorite time of year for sox?
A: Yes! According to recent surveys, more people have more sox in winter
   than during any other time of the year.  Sox can make you feel warm and
   cozy.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, January 1982
Q: As one gets older does one require less sox?
A: Yes! With age comes wisdom and one realizes that if you have good
   quality sox, you can get by with a lot less.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, February 1982
Q: How can you make sox last longer?
A: Be very gentle.  Never twist or wring.  Do not use hot water or pinch
   with a clothespin.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, March 1982
Q: How can you judge whether you have good sox or not?
A: Good sox will meet these three simple requirements:
      Good sox will fit well.
      Good sox will feel great.
      Good sox will last a long time.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, April 1982
Q: What about sox in the shower?
A: If you're sure you won't have a shrinkage problem, you'll find that sox
   in the shower is good clean fun!
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, May 1982
Q: Is it OK to have sox at the beach?
A: Some beaches prohibit sox... some don't.  To be safe just make sure no
   one is watching.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, June 1982
Q: What should you do if you become bored with sox?
A: If you're bored, it's probably because you only have conventional sox.
   Try spicing up your life with some new trendy sox.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, July 1982
Q: Do sox and sports mix?
A: Coaches and athletic directors no longer frown on sox for their players.
   They feel that the more sox their players have, the more they score!
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, August 1982
Q: Can a computer service help you find your correct sox mate?
A: Only if you don't lie about your size and shape!
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, September 1982
Q: When you're shopping for sox, is size important?
A: No.  Because of certain stretch properties, one size fits all.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, October 1982
Q: What kind of sox do athletes prefer?
A: Because athletes are very physical and work very hard, the kind of sox
   they prefer is referred to as "sweat" sox.
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, November 1982
Q: At the office Christmas party is it appropriate to exchange sox?
A: Yes!  This is common practice.  In fact, some people act like Christmas
   is the only time they do get sox!
		-- the "more Joy of Sox" calendar, December 1982
It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid
Than to open it and remove all doubt.
END OF LINE.
At DDT, TRON_'
Smile!  Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage!
Mommy!  Mommy!  Don't throw me down the well...

                                        well

                                        well
KID: Mommy!  Mommy!  I don't like Aunt Jean!
MOTHER: Shut up and finish what's on your plate!
KID: Mommy!  Mommy!  I don't wanna go to London!
MOTHER: Shut up and keep swimming!
JOB?
ITS IS DOWN
A hair, they say, divides the false and true
Yea, and a single alif were the clue
Could we but find it, to the treasure-house
And peradventure to the Master too!
     -- The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam
You boil it in sawdust, you salt it in glue
You condense it with locusts and tape
All keeping the principal object in view:
To preserve its symmetrical shape.
     -- The Hunting of the Snark, by Lewis Carroll
You might have mail.
There may be messages
Question: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
	with brightly colored machine tools.
"For example, if errors are detected in one of the disk drives, the system
will allow read-only access to memory until the problem is resolved.  This,
PE claimed, prohibits a damaged disk drive from entering errors into the
system."
				-- Computerworld 8 Nov 82 page 4.
F=MA; it's not just a good idea -- it's the LAW!
Speed Limit: 186,424 mps; it's not just a good idea -- it's the LAW!
"I'm not sure it is of as much general concern as, say, coke-machines."
     -- Marvin Minsky (out of context), on the subject of death.
The only person who ever got everything done by Friday...
                         ... was Robinson Crusoe
Q: Are the SETQ expressions used only for numerics?
A: No, the can also be used with symbolics (Fig.18).
   -- Ken Tracton, Programmer's Guide to Lisp, page 17.
Q: What does the function NULL do?
A: The function NULL tests whether or not its argument is NIL or not.  If
   its argument is NIL the value of NULL is NIL.
   -- Ken Tracton, Programmer's Guide to Lisp, page 73.
No matter how much money you spend, you can't make a racehorse out of a
pig.  You can, however, make an awfully fast pig.
		an old saying about program efficiency
The running-out-of-gas ploy works most of the time, but when a car needs to
strand you on some important occasion and the tank is full, it will resort
to any necessary means.
					-- Satch Carlson
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is to build better mice.
Montrose's toast:

He either fears his fate too much,
or his desserts are small,
who dares not put it to the touch,
to win or lose it all.
Duct tape is like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side, and it
holds the universe together.
Horribly wedging my very own personal machine gives me a comfortable,
familiar, Lisp-machine feeling (like an old shoe), laced with that racy
hint of raw, cold-boot power.
SKI: "I'm running for pizza!"

PSZ: "I didn't know there was going to be an election."
JUST A MOMENT,	JUST A MOMENT, . . .
I PREDICT FAILURE OF THE ALPHA ECHO - THREE FIVE UNIT WITHIN 72 HOURS.
THIS IS A COMPLETELY RELIABLE PREDICTION.
MSG:  AI     1     
Date: 05/02/83 13:51:15
From: CSTACY @ MIT-MC

The AI KA10 has been flushed, please update your programs.

    ...Each evening from December to December
    Before you drift asleep upon your cot
    Think back on all the tales that you remember
    Of Camelot

        Ask every person
        If he's heard the story
        And tell it strong and clear
        If he has not
        That once there was a fleeting wisp of glory
        Called Camelot

            Don't let it be forgot
            That once there was a spot
            For one brief shining moment
            That was known as Camelot....
MSG:  END    GAME  
Date: 11/02/83 19:20:51
From: KMP @ MIT-MC
Re:   I see no DM here.

A few moments ago (7:05:50pm), the MIT-DMS machine was officially powered
down for the last time.  It is the second of four ITS machines to be
retired, being survived by MIT-ML and MIT-MC.

 "As the last syllable of your spell fades into silence, darkness envelops
  you, and the earth shakes briefly.  Then all is quiet.

 "You are standing at the top of a flight of stairs that lead down to a
  passage below.  Dim light, as from torches, can be seen in the passage.
  Behind you the stairs lead into untouched rock."
The user who sent the original message merely scratched the surface of a
sea of worms...
				-- Marc LeBrun
This particularly rapid, unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard, and if it is it doesn't matter!

	From "Ruddigore" by Gilbert & Sullivan
I just removed the instructions in MC:COMMON;LINS > which specify that it
should be installed on AI.  We'll certainly miss that machine, and probably
spend the rest of our lives fixing programs that mention it.
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken
places.  But those that will not break it kills.  It kills the very good
and the very gentle and the very brave impartially.  If you are none of
these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special
hurry.
				-- Ernest Hemingway
   "That's it," said Wilson.  "Worst one can do is kill you.  How does it
go?  Shakespeare.  Damned good.  See if I can remember.  Oh, damned good.
Used to quote it to myself at one time.  Let's see.  'By my troth, I care
not; a man can die but once; we owe God a death and let it go which way it
will, he that dies this year is quit for the next.'  Damned fine, eh?"

			"The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber"
			 Ernest Hemingway
Computer science is like library science -- you create a problem and then
study it.
					-- David Place
We have no need to punish Pascal programmers.  Pascal programming, like
chastity, is its own punishment.  The only way I could imagine to make
their wretched state any worse would be to make them use Ada.
				Scott Fahlman
				(out of context)
Found in a TOPS-10 MCO:
    Quotation for the day: "a counter that doesn't exist can't get messed
up."
    "Once in a blue moon" is defined as the creation of a new SFD or the
renaming of an old one.
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.  The good ones
slept better, while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much
more.
				   -- Woody Allen
Now the cool autumn breeze (known here as the santana, since it comes every
year at the same time and blows much of the older population out of their
shoes) causes the last leaves of summer to fall...  One is struck by an
almost existential feeling of purposelessness -- particularly since the
massage parlors closed.  There is a definite sense of metaphysical
'otherness' which cannot be explained except to say it's nothing like what
usually goes on in Pittsburgh.
					-- Woody Allen
"I know of no safe depository of the ultimate powers of society but the
 people themselves ... "
				-- Thomas Jefferson
"You can only examine 10 levels of pushdown, because that's all the fingers
 you have to stick in the listing."
				-- Anonymous programmer
				"TOPS-10 Crash Analysis Guide"
					    December 2, 1982
Mr. Derek C. Bok			    
President
Harvard University
Cambridge, Massachusetts  02138

Dear Derek,

     Word has come to me that your campus police are holding some property
which rightfully should be located in the MIT Museum. Can this be true?

     Surely you have little use for a makeshift device constructed from
vacuum cleaner parts, points from a 1967 Mustang, and a handful of marbles.
We, however, being the sentimental sort, would take great care of --
indeed, we would enshrine -- this symbolic highlight of the 1982 football
season.

     Please give it back.
				Sincerely yours,

				Paul E. Gray
How can the purple yeti be so red,
Or chestnuts, like a widgeon, calmly groan?
No sheep is quite as crooked as a bed,
Though chickens ever try to hide a bone.
I grieve that greasy turnips slowly march:
Indeed, inflated is the icy pig:
For as the alligator strikes the larch,
So sighs the grazing goldfish for a wig.
Oh, has the pilchard argued with a top?
Say never that the parship is too wierd!
I tell thee that a wolf-man will no hop
And no man ever praised the convex beard.
Effulgent is the day when bishops turn:
So let not then the doctor wake the urn!
	"How Can the Purple Yeti Be So Red?" (First of Two Parts)
	-- J. R. Partington's computer
Oh anaconda, tell me why the crane
Should be samoan when the toadstools scream:
A wailing hermit never maims a brain,
Although 'tis true that felons harm a bream.
My heart is spacious, likewise it is red,
When e'er I see the crazy carrots write;
I lost the briny princess -- for a bed
Had madly spluttered as it chewed a light.
Alas! the day of midwife, elk, and bat
Are gone, and now the hungry bailiffs blink;
Momentous was the corcus, now so fat
And ospreys cannot squash the smiling drink.
I shall no longer hide the ancient goose:
Life's not an ogre, but a gruesome moose!
	"How Can the Purple Yeti Be So Red?" (Second of Two Parts)
	-- J. R. Partington's computer
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice.  Then He made
School Boards.
				-- Mark Twain
   "A few years ago, as The Boston Globe first began electronic
typesetting, Kirk Scharfenberg, an editorial writer, dissected President
Jimmy Carter's umpteenth speech on the energy crisis and found it OK, but
wanting."
   "Sharing [H. L.] Mencken's Teutonic disdain for the copy desk, he tossed
into the electronic hopper what he thought was a temporary 'slug' (an
indentification tag that follows a given story through the editorial
processes) on his effort.  The deskman thought that as a headline, it was
accurate.  The presses rolled, and on the Ides of March, 1980, the lead
editorial of The Boston Globe bore the headline 'Mush From the Wimp.' "
					-- Martin F. Nolan
					   Globe Staff
The problem with the current Lisp Machine system is that nothing ever calls
anything anymore.
					-- KMP
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the
Wright brothers.  But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
					-- Carl Sagan
"A hack is a terrible thing to waste, please give to the implementation of
 your choice..."
				-- GJC
According to a recent government publication ...

   A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.

   A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.

   A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.

   A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U. S. Treasury.
"... a legend's only a lonely boy when he goes home alone."
				-- Carly Simon
She'd envied the students in business administration.  They got up in the
morning at reasonable hours, dressed as well as their purses permitted, and
studied with moderate diligence, knowing it would pay them in the end.  Of
course, these were a different breed, and in a way a lesser breed, for Liz
was an engineer.
Random hacker: Oz needs to be booted.
RMS: Ok, I'll break open a window.
Don't let the crazies in the world stop your beautiful creative purposes.
	- Chick Corea
Music!  What a splendid art, but what a sad profession!
	- Georges Bizet
Mediocre composers borrow.  Great composers steal.
	- Sir Thomas Beecham
Yow! Can I have my neutron bomb yet?
"Take that, you Gorgon bad guy!"
		-- Jason Kodai, "Space Cruiser"
With land in your hand you'll be happy on earth
Then invest in the Church for your heaven.
				-- Genesis
As long as there are ill-defined goals, bizarre bugs, and unrealistic
schedules, there will be Real Programmers willing to jump in and Solve The
Problem, saving the documentation for later.  Long live FORTRAN!
"Just remember...
wherever you go...
there you are."
		-- Buckaroo Banzai
"You are de most veak indeevidjool I ever met!"
		-- John Whorfin
"He said, `This Bud's for you, professor'... What does that mean,
professor?"
"...Yes, and when the aliens landed in the '30s, Orson Welles found out
about it and told the nation, but then the aliens heard it and brainwashed
him so that he turned around and told everyone it was just a hoax... Got
it?"
					-- Perfect Tommy
"There must be some way to read input from the terminal...."
					-- Mly
One last point about metaphor, poetry, etc.  As an example to illustrate
these capabilities in Sastric Sanskrit, consider the "bahuvrihi" construct
(literally "man with a lot of rice") which is used currently in linguistics
to describe references outside of compounds.

In the name of the Lord-High mutant, we sacrifice this suburban girl
				-- `Future Schlock'
Like all tall men, I like to dress in women's clothes
				-- `Future Schlock'
I fell out of my car during the eclipse
		-- `Future Schlock'
"A statement is either correct or incorrect.  To be *very* incorrect is
 like being *very* dead ... "
				-- Herbert F. Spirer
				   Professor of Information Management
				   University of Conn.
				   (DATAMATION Letters, Sept. 1, 1984)

"... the statement that a scenario is conceivable is proved by the mere act
 of saying so; whether it is worth a second thought is another matter
 entirely."
			-- Prof. Kosta Tsipis
			   Matthem Bunn
			   (Scientific American letters, March, 1984)
"... psychologists sometimes refer to perception as controlled
 hallucination ..."
			-- B.K.P.Horn
			   6.866/6.801 Lecture
We keep pushing more out of the OZ file system than the designers had in
mind.  It seems to be turning into cream cheese.
				-- Alan Bawden
I've grown mellower.
			-- DCP (quoted out of context)
"Whose n-grams did you use, Doctor?"
"Why, my own of course.  I haven't lost my mind -- I've got it on backup
 tape!"
"You Klingon sons, you killed my bastard!"
"It's the sort of mail you should wear a welding helmet while reading...."
					-- Dave Moon
"The wrath of Holloway is nothing compared to the wrath of Moon."
					-- Fred Drenckhahn
Barf, what is all this prissy pedantry?  Groups, modules, rings, ufds,
patent-office algebra.  Barf!
				-- R. William Gosper
I think that helps the users too much.
		-- CSTACY (out of context)
A good rule of thumb is never to use PROG under any circumstances for
anything.
					-- Moon
Coke WAS it!
[The King's] greatest reform was the nationalization of high treason.  As
the neighboring kingdom was continually sending spies, he created the
office of Royal Informer, who, through a staff of subordinate traitors,
would hand over State secrets to enemy agents for certain sums of money.
Though as a rule the agents purchased only outdated secrets -- those were
less expensive and besides, they were held accountable to their own
treasury for every penny spent.
				-- Stanislaw Lem ("The Cyberiad")
Of a friend who is funded by the US government:

CENT: He signed it "In haste", so he must be busy again.  It's that time of
      year.
Moon: The money harvest...
Alan: Yeah, the time when the money on the trees changes color.
"Why let your imagination limit you?  If something's impossible, you WON'T
do it."
				-- Richard Bandler
The purpose of an undergraduate education at MIT is to give you a case of
post-traumatic stress syndrome that won't wear off for forty years.
If I could put Klein in a bottle...
"You've got to put it somewhere, why not leave it where it is?  That's what
they say about water."
				-- Human Sexual Response
If anyone ever markets a really well-documented Unix that doesn't require
babysitting by a phalanx of provincial Unix clones, there'll be a lot of
unemployable, twinky-braindamaged misfits out deservedly pounding the
pavements.
It's like a house of cards that Godzilla has been blundering through.
		-- Moon, describing how system messages work on ITS
... Turns out that JPG was in fact using his brain... and I am inclined to
encourage him to continue the practice even if it isn't exactly what I
would have done myself.
			-- Alan (out of context)
Bawden is misinformed.  Common Lisp has no philosophy.  We are held
together only by a shared disgust for all the alternatives.
    -- Scott Fahlman, explaining why Common Lisp is the way it is....
Well, it's assembly language, you know.  You don't want to have too much
taste...
				-- Dave Moon
Jeez, got me.  Unix is sorta like Heroin, It feels good for about 5 minutes
a day and horrible the rest of the time.
					-- Jim O'Dell
Anyway I know how to not be bothered by consing on the fly.
					-- Moon
My dog appears to require more PM than my car, although he also seems to be
cheaper to service.
					-- GSB
P.S.  I would also appreciate it if you eased up on the high and mighty
verbage . The chaosnet, in case you have forgotten, is run by a bunch of
nice, happy, volunteers to whom getting into "deep shit" means about as
much as giving a "flying fuck".
The software isn't finished until the last user is dead.
 u	  x
e du dx, e dx!
cosine, tangent, secant, sine!
3.14159!
square root, integral, u dv!
slipstick, slide rule, MIT!

logarithm, logarithm, Tech, Tech, Tech!
Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here.
'Twas a day I shall remember, 'twas the pig fair last November,
I was walking up and down in drunken pride;
When my knees began to flutter, and I sank down in the gutter,
And a pig came up and lay down by my side.

As I lay there in the gutter, thinking thoughts I could not utter,
I thought I heard some passing lady say:
"You can tell the man who boozes by the company that he chooses".
And with that the pig got up and walked away.
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
All the world's an analog stage, and digital circuts play only bit parts.
Anarchy -- it's not the law, it's just a good idea.
CFS Development Team and Sales Force's Law: Any sufficiently advanced
technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average
man can see better than he can think.
Ban the bomb -- save the world for conventional warfare.
Barbarians do it without thinking.
Beam me up, Scotty, it ate my phaser.
Better living through Alchemy.
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Bushydo, the way of the shrub -- BONSAI!
"C" combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of
assembly language.
Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Conquering Russia is a steppe by steppe process.
Cthulhu for President -- if you're tired of choosing the lesser of two
evils.
Cthulhu Saves -- in case he's hungry later.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
DO IT --it's easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to
anger.
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for it makes them soggy and hard
to light.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep until noon.
Even barbarians like chocolate chip cookies.
The first cup of coffee recapitulates phylogeny.
43% of all statistics are worthless.
Go, lemmings, go!
God didn't create the world in seven days -- He goofed off for six then
pulled an all-nighter.
God is real unless declared integer.
I am -not- conceited -- I just can't stand mortals.
I have not lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I thought YOU silenced the guard!
If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, it would probably
be a good thing.
If guns are outlawed, how will we shoot the liberals?
If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the street... the sidewalk...
the lawn....
Why do we drive on our parkways and park on our driveways?
If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either
of you for the rest of the day.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
I'm not born again -- my mother got it right the first time.
I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'm NOT GOING.
Implementing systems is 95% boredom and 5% sheer terror.
Is the surface of a planet the right place for an expanding technological
civilization?
It's hard to think of you as the end product of millions of years of
evolution.
It's not the principle of the thing, it's the money.
I've had fun before.  This isn't it.
Let me control a planet's oxygen supply and I don't care who makes the
laws.
Life's a duck, and then you sigh.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
Marvellous!  You're going to kill me.  What a finely tuned response to the
situation!
Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Nice computers don't go down.
Nobody can fix the economy.  Nobody can be trusted with their finger on the
button.  Nobody's perfect.  VOTE FOR NOBODY.
Nothing is impossible for anyone impervious to reason.
Nuke a gay whale for Jesus.
Oh no, not another learning experience!
1.79E12 furlongs/fortnight -- it's not just a good idea, it's the law.
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
Penguin Lust.
Pipers do it with Amazing Grace.
Possesor of a mind not merely twisted but actually sprained.
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
Real men write self-modifying code.
Real programmers don't document.  If it was hard to write, it should be
hard to understand.
Shift to the left!
Shift to the right!
Push down!  Pop up!
Byte!  Byte!  Byte!
The shortest distance between two puns is a straight line.
Spending a year dead for tax purposes.
There are many intelligent species in the universe.  They are all owned by
cats.
There are only 2000 real people in the world; the rest are bad special
effects.
There are few personal problems which can't be solved by the suitable
application of high explosives.
There is no TRUTH.
There is no REALITY.
There is no CONSISTANCY.
There are no absolute statements.
I'm probably wrong.
Think HONK if you're a telepath.
Think of it as evolution in action.
Those who live by the nit, die by the nit.
The twelfth regeneration's a bitch, and then you die.
2 + 2 = 5, for moderately large values of two.
2.9998E10 cm/sec.  It's not just a good idea, it's the law.
User hostile.
A VAX is virtually a computer, but not quite.
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
The way to a man's heart is with a broadsword.
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
We'll know that rock is dead when you have to have a degree to get a job in
it.
What could possibly go wrong?
When Cthulhu calls, he calls collect.
Why can't you be unique and original like everybody else?
Windows and Icons and Mice, OH MY!
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
stupid fortune messages.
You bash the balrog, I'll climb the tree.
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to swim on his back,
you've got something.
You know better than to trust a strange computer.
You know, just once, I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to
bullets.
You were TOLD not to feed me after midnight!
YUMMIE (Young Upwardly Mobile Mutant)
Oscar Milde: I can't believe your alien friends are leaving without any
	     souvenirs.
Robotman: Well, in hyperspace, extra cargo can cause volumetric mass
	  fluctuations.
Mrs. Milde: Oh, dear!  Don't they even have room for homemade cookies?
<A tentacle appears -- NAB -- and retracts.>
Robotman: Extraterrestrials always make room for chocolate chip cookies.
They'll take my PDP-10 away when they pry my cold dead fingers off the
switch registers.
    The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in a moment of reasoned lucidity
which is almost unique among its current tally of five million, nine
hundred and seventy-five thousand, five hundred and nine pages, says of the
Sirius Cybernetics Corporation products that `it is very easy to be blinded
to the essential uselessness of them by the sense of achivement that you
get from getting them to work at all.
    `In other words -- and this is the rock solid principle on which the
whole of the Corporation's Galaxy-wide success is founded -- their
fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their superficial design
flaws.'
`I really hate those guys you know.  They really are the creeps of the
cosmos, buzzing around the celestial infinite with their junky little
machines that never work properly or, when they do, perform functions no
sane man would require of them and,' he added savagely, `go beep to tell
you when they've done it!'
Bawden on the powers that be:
It's like once you've been assigned a [thesis] committee, somewhere in the
Course Six office it's written in blood, and to change it you have to
sacrifice a chicken to Marilyn Pierce.
Non-determinism means never having to say you're wrong.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of magtapes!
		[From a discussion of routing tables on TCP-IP@NIC]
Those who do not learn from history, loop.
AV is watching you.
AV is unenthusiastic about your work.
Government is a hallucination in the minds of governors.
Play it again, Yortlebluzzgubbly.
I don't mind being swindled as long as it's done with some tact... It's when
it's blatant that it annoys me....
				-- RZ
We're Thinking Machines, so we don't have to.
A second flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere;
Or a cataclysmic earthquake, I'd accept with some despair.
But no, You sent us Congress!
Good God, Sir, was that fair?
It has every known bug fix to everything.
		-- KLH (out of context)
The Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
   1) You can't win, only lose or break even.
   2) You can only break even at absolute zero.
   3) You can't get to absolute zero.
I just write-protected the cat.  That should keep him out of trouble
for a while.
		-- Romkey (out of context)
Cartoonists occupy a special place in my heart.  I hope Garry Trudeau
will remember that.  It's heart.  Not brain, heart.
		-- President Ronald Reagan
"We are men, we are bold, we are naked in the cold."
	-- anonymous spectator at a particularly offensive roundup by a
	   particularly Neanderthal football frat
It is usually a good idea to put a capacitor of a few microfarads across
the output, as shown.
Do not stoop to tie your shoelaces in your neighbor's melon patch.
No matter how we plan and rehearse,
We're at pink slip's mercy in a paper universe.
In MDDT, no one can hear you scream...
But everybody can hear you say "whoops!"
Not only am I thrown into the error handler, through no fault of my own
(I'm not responsible for this deficiency in Zmail), but then the system
RUBS MY NOSE IN THE MESS by forcing me to give it permission to screw me
further.  "I'm sorry, but I have just accidentally driven an eight-inch
spike halfway into your skull, you have two choices: either you can let me
finish and drive it the rest of the way in, or I can ask you this question
again."
                -- Alan (out of context)
When I first started taking these drugs, it was the government and the CIA
who gave them to us.  You want to know why I believe in God?  That's why.
God has a sense of humor.  God says "Americans are really seized up in
their lower bowels, needing something to ooze them up."  God thought, "let
the CIA give it to them."  When you get that feeling something's laughing,
that's God.
                -- Ken Kesey
Andre Glucksman ... said [to me] "do you know what you accomplished?  You
added the idea to revolutionary theory that revolution could be fun.  Only
someone as silly as an American could do that."
		-- Abbie Hoffman
Next year in L5.
I have created the newsgroup alt.sex.
That caused us to have both alt.sex and alt.drugs.
It was then clearly necessary to have alt.rock-n-roll, so I created that too.
Some people see things that are there and say WHY?
I, however, see things that aren't there and say WHOA!
		-- From the 7th floor men's room
I'm sure glad we're having this "How many FTP transfers can dance on the
head of a chargeback packet" conversation now, because when chargebacks
happen, it will surely be too expensive to read these amazing
conversations.
Some animals are more equal than others.
Here is a good hacckinge stoccke;
On this you may hewe and knocke.
		-- Mystery Play of Noah's Ark, fifteenth century
;;;  Nobody except a qualified mail wizard should ever modify	     ;;;
;;;  this file.  You are -not- a mail wizard just because you	     ;;;
;;;  know how to read your mail.  Fuck with this file, and I'll	     ;;;
;;;  cut your balls off.  -Alan					     ;;;
Johnny was young.  Too young to remember Woodstock.  But the name sounded
awesome, so he bought two tickets.
                     ONE WAY TICKETS TO A LIVING HELL!
They were two innocent, hardcore punks, caught in a nightmare world of
sheer mellow-ness!  It was the ...
                        NIGHT OF THE GREATFUL DEAD!
                      [The Band That Wouldn't Die...]
seen on the Wheaties sysconsole:
	The rain it raineth on the just
		And also on the unjust fella
	But chiefly on the just because
		The unjust steals the just's umbrella
I really only meant to point out how nice InterOp was for someone who
doesn't have the weight of the Pentagon behind him.  I really don't imagine
that the Air Force will ever be able to operate like a small, competitive
enterprise like GM or IBM.
                                -- Kent England (out of context)
The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.
My bank account was emptier than a housefly's bladder on that Monday
morning when across the threshold of "Nick Blunt, Inquiries" oozed a dame
like something in one of those magazines you only read when you've gone
through all the old Newsweeks in your dentist's office, I mean to tell you
a dame stacked like a load of library books in the arms of some four-eyed
kid, with her assets packed inside some simple, little red-sequined number
that clung to her the way a Hollywood actor hangs onto his Valium
prescription and that probably cost hardly any more than moo goo gai pan
cooked by the Dalai Lama, a dame with trouble written all over her as if it
were the name of some ritzy fashion designer, and a dame who gave me, when
I swung my ten-year-old wing tips off my desk and admitted yeah, I was
Blunt, the kind of look you might give a nun buying a diaphragm.
Lisp stoppped itself
FEP Command:
Wherever you go...  there you are.
"Should I vote to pay legislators the prevailing wage so long as they don't
kill farm animals in nuclear power plants?"
                [Boston Globe election day cartoon]
Let's start preparing for the future.  Now's a good time, since it's
already here.
		-- David L. Andre
I die.  My replacement reads my uncommented code and deletes a
fragment he doesn't understand.  Eventually the subroutine is sold to
the government, and the bug causes nuclear missles to be launched by
accident.  The other side retaliates, and all die.  O the
embarrassment.
Think of C++ as an object-oriented assembly language.
The only thing better than TV with the sound off is Radio with the sound
off.
			-- Dave Moon